June 30, 2008 at 8:48 am (Rants and Vents, Self-Esteem)
Tags: cravings, diet, emotional eating, fitness, health, mother-daughter relationships, women's health
It’s amazing how a simple phrase can rob all enjoyment from a treat or occassion. The phrase itself doesn’t have to be exactly the same, but the idea always is.
You don’t really want that garbage, do you?
You don’t plan on eating all of that, do you?
The moment it comes out of my mother’s mouth, I turn into a kid again and my mood drops. No matter how much I’m looking forward to a treat (in the first case, ice-cream) and have planned for it and salivated, the moment she opens her mouth, I feel terrible. I feel like a pig. And the same thing happens with the second phrase – it doesn’t have to actually be a lot of food (this was in response to a subway tuna wrap after she had cut hers in half and wrapped half up) or ‘bad’ food at all – just what she determines to be a full meal. Because women watching their weight should never eat a full, healthy meal. That obviously goes against all dieting folklore.
Watching your weight obviously means you should suffer an deprive yourself, according to her world. And this behaviour is what makes me want to rebel. I feel like eating 10 donuts just to spite her and then I stop and realise that that’s the stupidest idea ever. What are those 10 donuts going to do to her? Me, they’ll affect – I’ll be ever so slightly ill after that much sugar. She’ll just say I told you so. So I don’t have the donuts or the chocolate or the ‘rebellious’ foods but I still need to figure out how not to be affected by her words.
Any suggestions?
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June 27, 2008 at 9:16 am (Nutrition)
Tags: choices, diet, eating out, health, Nutrition, peer pressure, women's health
So Leslie and Charlotte both have very interesting posts today (go! check them out!) and they made me think a little. Normally, they’d make me think a lot but it’s Friday and it’s a long weekend coming up. My brain can’t work that hard.
I went out for dinner last night with some work friends and we ended up at a place who’s name I will not divulge as I would hate to give them any business. Yes, it was THAT bad. The service was awful. The food was okay but nothing special either. But that’s not the point.
They had some good choices on the menu and, when you worked it out, it was cheaper to get a dinner special with 3 courses than one dish alone. Weird, I know!The options were green salad or caesar salad for starters, grilled salmon, chicken or pasta for mains and creme brulee or fresh fruit for dessert. I chose the green salad (it came with a mustard vinegarette dressing), the salmon and the fruit. I got roundly mocked for choosing the fruit. I was told that one creme brulee wouldn’t hurt. I just shrugged and said I’m sticking with the fruit.
It turned out that after I ordered the fruit, 3 other people changed their orders. They hadn’t wanted the creme brulee but felt that it was weird to order fruit. Once I had ordered it, they did to. I’m not trying to paint myself as the great conquerer though – I didn’t try influence or persuade. I just ordered.
And you know what?
When dessert came around, the creme brulee turned out to be sub-par. One or two people finished it and everyone else took a couple of diets, pulled a face and pushed it aside. The fruit plate consisted of one strawberry, 4 blueberries, some canned mandarin and some canned grapefruit. But I enjoyed it more than any crappy creme brulee!
No regrets!
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June 25, 2008 at 9:24 pm (Rants and Vents, Self-Esteem)
Tags: body confidence, body issues, health, knees, mantra, mothers, Self-Esteem
I love my mother. I really really do. Please don’t think otherwise. But as I spend more time with her after 8 months apart, I realise how I react around her and how her issues got me where I was when I started this whole weight loss and fitness journey.
My mother hates her body. She may say otherwise but I know she does. Every body part is a defect, something to hide. A few years ago (pre-weight loss), I bought a dress – very cute to the knee in white and green – and I tried it on at home. Her response was that I should return it and get a dress that covered my knees because “knees are ugly”. I got angry and refused to return the dress. BUT I never wore it. EVER. It stayed in my closet and I looked at it wistfully every summer but never wore it. Because my knees were ugly.
Fast forward to this morning. I’ve learnt in the past year or so that shorter skirts look BETTER on me (ie I don’t look like a midget) and I have a really cute white peasant skirt from the Gap. I’m wearing it this morning when the parentals come over and my mother is sitting in the living room while I’m making them tea. She looks at my legs. Notices my bruise (I bruise a lot – I’m clumsy!) and then says
“Oh, you have a huge bruise on your knee!”
Me: “Um, no, that’s just my knee”
Her: “Are your knees always that dark? I think it’s the gym. You’re probably doing something to make your knees bruised“
(What the hell does she think I’m doing at the gym?! Crawling?)
I scoffed, I laughed and then I went to check my knees. And then I remembered. These are her issues, not mine. I’m learning to love my body and I can’t let her bring me back to the mirror and back to examining which body parts are to be hidden today. Knees are knees. When you think about the work they do, they’re frigging works of art!
My new mantra: I am not my mother’s issues.
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June 25, 2008 at 7:37 am (Healthy You Challenge, Nutrition)
Tags: fish, food, health, HYC check-in, Nutrition, recipes
I’ve been lurking around a lot of blogs for a while (sorry … I tried not to leave chocolate wrappers around) and I’ve decided to join the Healthy You Challenge, not to lose weight but just be healthier. It’s always good to be accountable and by having to check in every week and list my healthy achievements, I think it’ll be good for me.
I’ll update my Who the Hell am I? page for more background.
In other news, I had the most delicious meal last night – Chilean Sea Bass with spinach and roaster red pepper. So tasty and it reminded me that I enjoy fish so I should bite the bullet and make it myself. I think it kinda intimidates me, just because I’ve only ever made myself salmon and I tend to stick to chicken or cold meals otherwise. I have a mean repetoire of chicken dishes but when it comes to fish, salmon it is. So my challenge is to explore new, easy recipes. If anyone has something to share, please pass it on!
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June 24, 2008 at 1:46 pm (Nutrition, Rants and Vents)
Tags: diet, eating, exercise, food, good vs bad, habits, Nutrition, Rants and Vents
I’ve been thinking about the habit of labelling or categorising food and behaviour as good or bad. The other day I blogged about how I love sushi (yum!) but the rice isn’t that great. There I was, the great-hater-of-labelling, demonising my favourite food because of the dreaded C word … CARBS.
For years I demonised peanut butter (FAT) and eggs (FAT) and pasta (CARBS) etc.
I demonised my food and my behaviour – did I walk to work? Did I deserve that chocolate? Once I’d eaten the chocolate, I’d beat myself up about how ‘bad’ it was, even if I enjoyed it. So usually, I’d eat the chocolate or [insert food of choice] and then end up taking away all the enjoyment.
I still find myself thinking about good days and bad days and I want to stop that. I want to stop the idea that in order to be ‘good’ I have to eat such-and-such and do X number of reps.
Life happens. Life needs to happen. And life is neither good nor bad. It just is. I need to be able to enjoy a meal out with my parents, accept that they brought me delicious Australian chocolate (anyone who has not experienced Tim Tams is missing out!!) and that, you know what? I can have one at a time, walk away from the fridge and enjoy it.
I find myself slipping more and more into the good/bad ideology the more I’m around my mother. The other day I told her that she was looking really good (things are all about appearance in her world) and her response?
“Oy, I’ve gained so much weight on this holiday. I need to lose 5kgs and then I’ll look good”
My response to that was “Mom, the words are thank you. That’s all you had to say” (wrong? maybe)
But you see, with her, it’s all about if you deserve to feel/look good. If you’ve been on good behaviour, you can accept compliments. If not, you don’t deserve it.
I don’t want to fall into that trap. Being away from it for 8 months made me forget how toxic it is. Now I’m more resolved to work hard but let life happen.
(Sorry about the rambling)
4 Comments
June 24, 2008 at 8:48 am (exercise, fitness)
Tags: age, diet, exercise, fitness, health, injuries, weight training
My father has been training with a personal trainer for about 3 years now. He goes 3 times a week for 30 minutes and gets in cardio and weights (how, I’m not sure!) and that’s all his exercise. He’s 61 years old with a bit of a beer belly (less now though) and the balance of a 90 year old I sometimes think. He used to be really active when he was younger and then let it slide and really only got back onto the fitness train 5 years ago.
Today he joined me for my training session with J and I was very careful to make sure that he knew that he didn’t have to do anything he didn’t want to do or feel comfortable with. I told him that I get my cardio in for 25-30 minutes before my training – all he needed to do was warm up. Nope, he got in 25 minutes of cardio.
Then we started training. First, J had me doing lunges on the Smith machine with 20lbs for the first set. I did it and then it was Dad’s turn. Oy. Two lunges in he twisted slightly and strained his quad. That was it. There’s my dad, limping along and my trainer looking at me asking “did I break him?” LOL
So we sent him to the bikes to keep the muscle stretching as there was no ice around and he was determined not to go home and I continued legwork. Then he joined us again for upper body work.
And proceeded to pick up weights that were too heavy and refuse to budge. I’m all for pushing yourself – heck, I push myself everytime – but I start lights and move up in weight. So there I am working along and my dad is pushing himself and I know that he’s going to hurt like heck tomorrow. He hasn’t trained for 3 weeks and strained a muscle and probably pushed himself a little too hard just to prove that he could do it.
And this is the problem I have and I think the reason many people don’t weight train.
They try it once, push themselves with heavy weights, hurt like heck the next day/week and never do it again.
The important thing is to know yourself and know your limitations. My dad is 61. Yes, he’s a strong guy but his body is not as young as he thinks it is. He has a bum knee and a damaged shoulder. He has bad balance and while his upper body strength is good, he is still 61 years old. Even he admitted yesterday that he keeps forgetting that.
I’m not advocating staying within your comfort zone but just be aware.
2 Comments
June 22, 2008 at 11:06 pm (Nutrition)
Tags: diet, exercise, good eating, health, Nutrition, saving money, shopping, sushi, women's health
So much food. So much food.
My fridge is now full of chocolate and dips and my cupboard is full of chips. I have diet coke in the fridge – it’s the first bit of softdrink I’ve had in there for a long time.
Pre-brunch = yoghurt and a handful of M&Ms
Brunch today = veggie omlette with some home fries and a green tea
Snack = low-sodium chips and low-fat dip
Dinner = pasta and a glass of wine (+ half a small breadroll)
NOTHING on plan. Not enough water drunk. No activity.
I’m not talking good or bad food because I refuse to categorise food like that, but I know that eating like this does not make my body feel great. I feel bloated and uncomfortable. I feel tired.
I need to get back on track tomorrow, parents or not. Just because they’re on holiday does not mean I’m on holiday. One ‘off-plan’ meal or snack a day is one thing, but all day? No way. If I’m determined to make good choices in life, I need to stick to good choices all the time. I’m not angry or disappointed – no judging myself, ‘cos I don’t think that’s productive – but I need to step up and realise that every day is a new day and every day needs to be a good day.
*sigh*
In other news, my mother bought me a sushi maker-thingie so once I buy some nori and sushi rice, I’m all for making my own sushi! YAY! I love love love sushi and it’s so healthy too – okay, except for the rice, but that’s not too bad in the scheme of things – and I do spend a LOT of money on sushi every week so this will be a money saver. PLUS she brought a whole lot of my skirts from back home so I feel like I have a whole new wardrobe (that needs a little bit of alteration thanks to the whole losing weight thing) but that’s awesome so I don’t need to shop (okay, but maybe I WANT to shop!) so that’s a money saver as well. Plus I feel more like … well, ME. And that’s DEFINITELY a good thing.
4 Comments
June 21, 2008 at 11:11 am (Working out, fitness)
Tags: choices, diet, exercise, fitness, gym, health, women's heath
So I see my parents this evening. I’m obviously very excited about this, considering that I woke this morning at 6:30am. It’s Saturday. I should not see 6:30am on a Saturday. But I opened my eyes and I was definitely awake.
So I got up, opened the blinds, made my bed and made myself a breakfast wrap. This is my favourite breakfast to make at home. It’s a whole-wheat tortilla with some low-sodium tuna, some medium salsa and a handful of low-fat cheese, grilled for about 5 minutes each side. It’s so yummy and really healthy, as long as you don’t add too much cheese!
I had that and a cup of green tea and I cleaned the kitchen. Then I cleaned the living room. Then I brushed my teeth and washed my face. And it was only 8:00am.
I wanted to vacumm but considering that my roommate had only gotten to sleep at about 5am, I didn’t think that was exactly fair. So I contemplated my options.
- I could watch some mindless tv
- I could pretend to do some work
- I could go to the gym and then get some groceries
A while ago I would have picked the first option without a second thought. Today, I picked option 3. I got dressed, grabbed my water and my shopping bag and headed to the gym.
I got onto the treadmill and did 35 minutes on level 4, random setting. Then I got onto the rowing maching and went mental on level 10 for 20 minutes. Then I couldn’t feel my arms! LOL!! I felt so sore but it was so worth it. I have muscles hiding underneath this fat and I really need to show them off. I can see them peeking out sometimes (yesterday I saw a recalcitrant tricep for a moment) and I want to uncover them once and for all.
I’ve done my grocery shopping and my roommate is STILL sleeping so I’ll shower and have some more green tea before vacuuming at noon (I think that’s fair enough, right?).
It’s funny how habits change and things you would never have even thought of doing before starting a fitness journey now seem natural to you. Six months ago, I would have found every excuse in the book not to go to the gym. Today excuses didn’t even enter the equation. As Nike says, I just did it.
And you should too!
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June 20, 2008 at 8:26 pm (Rants and Vents, Self-Esteem)
Tags: diets, exercise, fitness, health, resolutions, sabotage
My parents are coming to visit tomorrow. It’s been a long 8 months since I’ve seen them and, considering that I used to see or speak to them everyday, I can’t wait to see them. They’re not staying with me for a couple of reasons. One is that there’s very little space here and I know they will want their own space etc. The other is that my roommate is a slob and I wouldn’t want my parents to have to live in the mess that she’s forces me to live in. I try to tidy as much as possible, but it’s really her place so I can’t throw her things out!
But my main concern for this post is that my parents are in holiday mode. I’ll be spending a lot of time with them and my routine is going to be shot to hell. Eating out every lunch and every dinner. I’ll have to squeeze in gym time and pack my snacks and hope I get time to eat them. I’ll have to work doubly hard to choose healthier options when we eat out but it’s going to be a challenge. I’m hoping to cook for them at least once, but considering that there’s no dining table in the apartment, they’d have to eat at the couch and my parents deserve more than that.
I’m just scared that all my hard work is going to go down the drain to some degree. I’ve been working so hard at the gym for the past 3 weeks and I’m supposed to have measurements taken next week (technically it was this week, but I ate out three times this week and once was pasta and ice-cream so I bailed) and I want to see results of sorts. I know that weight won’t change, but I want the body fat % to change.
I need to write this down and make it happen:
- I will not let the next 10 days be a licence to give up and slack off
- I will make healthy choices, pack my snacks and drink my 2 litres of water EVERY day
- I will encourage my parents to (maybe) join me at the gym and get my workouts in.
Hold me to it, mkay?
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June 18, 2008 at 3:40 pm (Nutrition, Rants and Vents)
Tags: diet, eating, exercise, fitness, health, Nutrition, rituals, routine, snacking, snacks, women's health
All this week I’ve been diligently packing my snacks to bring to work, as per Mr Nutritionist’s recommendations. My usual eating routine is as follows:
6:30am – breakfast (usually cereal)
9:00am – Green Tea and muffin from the cafeteria with A
12:15pm – Lunch (whatever the cafeteria is serving or a salad and sandwich OR leftovers)
3:00pm – trip to the vending machine for a snack (usually chips!)
7:00pm – dinner (if I can be bothered cooking or a lean cuisine or picking at edamame)
Obviously this plan was not pleasing to Mr Nutritionist’s eye so we devised something with fewer muffins and chips and more protein and fibre. All good and well but here we are 3 days in (I elected to start on Monday instead of the weekend …) and I’m craving.
No, I’m not craving the tastes – although that double chocolate chip muffin was tempting – but more than anything I’m craving the rituals. It’s now 3:35pm and I’ve had my mid-afternoon snack but I had it at my desk, alone. Bringing your own snack negates the necessity of calling up a colleague and ‘persuading’ them to join you for a vending machine break. It takes away the ritual of choosing a snack from the limited supply and munching on it on your way back to your desk.
My day seems longer and less social. Perhaps that’s a good thing – I’m more productive? But I’m not. I’m now ceaselessly thinking about that vending machine and wanting to get some salt and vinegar chips, not for the taste at all. I’m bored and want a reason to get up from my desk.
This is usually what breaks me when it comes to healthy eating. Boredom. Planning is all good and well but it takes away the ritual and routine. I know that eventually I’ll have created a new routine but until I get there, these cravings are tough.
What kind of rituals do you have when it comes to food?
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I'm a twenty-something Aussie who was living in Canada and has now moved to New Zealand and trying to be somewhat strong and healthy while I navigate the perils of living with my Boy, freelancing and planning a long-distance wedding without losing my mind. Welcome!
