Random stupidity
Sometimes I wonder about people. I mean, REALLY wonder. I wonder if some people are simply born without a filter and really don’t realise that they are stupid. I know that there are conditions like Aspergers etc where people are socially awkward but what about other people who don’t have a reason like that?
Case in point: I sent out engagement party invitations over the weekend. My parents are organising the party and have been calling up family and friends personally. I’m not going to be making a million long-distance phone calls to invite people on my side (and neither is The Boy) so I sent the invitations via Evite. It’s a great little site and, as the organiser, you can see when people access the invitation and how they reply. My only boo-boo with it was that I pressed send before I was ready (I hadn’t run it past The Boy yet) but I apologised and updated it slightly and away we go.
When it came to invites, I realised that I was inviting two-thirds of a family (family friends) and I didn’t want to exclude one person from the whole family so I invited him along, even though we’re not hugely close. We are, however, friends on facebook and family friends. So while I wasn’t expecting him to necessary attend, I wasn’t expecting the response I got.
The response which basically said that he had no idea who I was and had to sit for 20 minutes before figuring it out, had no idea I was engaged and then proceeded to berate me for sending an evite that would probably get caught in everyone’s spam filters. Obviously it didn’t get caught in his because he saw it but still.
Seriously, WHO DOES THAT? Who TELLS the person who’s invited them to a party that they didn’t know who they were? Why is it that he’s the ONLY person who’s had such a problem figuring this out? And why on EARTH would you berate the person who invited you on their method of invitation?
I did realise that he did me a huge favour by doing this. I now have one less person on the wedding guestlist.
Transitioning slowly
31 days until I fly out and wow, there’s a lot to get done. How am I tackling this pile of STUFF?
Am I working methodically through my list and being super productive everyday, aware that I have limited days?
Am I eating healthily and working my way through my pantry to make sure I’m using up everything I have?
I can categorically say no to both of those questions. More specifically, I’m not being consistent with either of those points. I have my moments and then I slip into procrastination which leads to stress which leads to eating and not exercising. Which leads to me feeling like crap because my jeans don’t fit right and I feel UGH which leads to sitting on the couch and eating. And now you see the cycle.
Why do I eat when I’m confronted with stress like this? Why do I manage to justify “treats” because I’m stressed? After 2 years on this new lifestyle, why am I regressing to previous unhealthy behaviours when I KNOW what works and what I need to do?
I’m super frustrated with myself right now and I know that being frustrated is not helping. I need to break out of the “I deserve this treat” cycle.
I’m drinking more water and trying to stop with the snacking so we’ll see. Today is a new day and this week is a new week.
In the land of the living
My distraction, otherwise known as the Boy, has left the building and is now battling jet-lag in a faraway land called New Zealand. And is apparently wondering why I haven’t updated my blog. I told him it was ALL.HIS.FAULT since he was here and I was having too much fun to blog but apparently, that didn’t fly. 
So here I sit, gazing at my computer screen, glancing at the big bunch of flowers he sent me which are sitting to my left and which smell gorgeous (seriously, how is one supposed to WORK with the scent of flowers everywhere?) and I’m realising that HOLY SHIT I have 5 weeks until I fly outta here and I have so much stuff to do.
And how am I feeling right now? Low. Minor stress. A little teary. It just kinda hit me. He left on Sunday and I’ve been busy since then and I have plans for the rest of the week but all I feel like doing right now is crying. And it’s ridiculous because I know that I have so much stuff to do in the next 5 weeks that they will fly by. Before I know it I’ll be there so why am I all teary?
And as write that, the feeling passes and I’m fine. I think this is a little of the stress hitting me.
I’m eating crap and feeling like crap and I know what to do but I’m not doing it. Do I really expect things to change when I’m not doing what’s required? As my father loves to say, knowing doesn’t get results, doing gets results.
So, I KNOW what I have to do and now it’s time to do it properly. I have my list, I know what food fuels me, I know I have to drink enough water and get enough sleep. The next 5 weeks: here I come!
Anticipation
The Boy arrives in T minus 3 hours and I may be slightly excited. It’s been 2 months since I’ve seen him in person and while iChat is awesome, it’s not the same as waking up next to someone and coming home to them. It’s not the same as sitting next to each other watching tv or reading and not having to say a word because it doesn’t matter.
I tried to fill my day today with STUFF to distract me – I went to the gym with a friend this morning which, since she’s not very fit, was more social than actual working out for me. I had a bookclub meeting this afternoon and I went, despite not reading the book. The book is really just an excuse for us to get together – I’m really going to miss these girls when I leave.
Then this evening I’ve been cleaning and I managed to catch my foot under the door and scrape the top off. It’s DAMN painful and I’ve decided that cleaning is OBVIOUSLY dangerous and therefore I should never do it again. Logical, no?
But now I’m waiting. I’m not good with waiting. I’m tempted to go to the airport now but really, that’s ridiculous since it does not take 3 hours to get there.
There’ll probably be a couple of weeks of radio silence while he’s here. I might post a bit but just so you know 
When I grow up
When I grow up
I wanna be famous
I wanna be a star
I wanna be in movies
Okay, maybe not so much. But, as I stand here, waiting for the next adventure in my life to begin (don’t you HATE that transition stage?), I wonder, what DO I want to be?
I’ve been given another chance to reinvent myself, to leave behind those things I don’t like about the me I am now and start anew. It’s a liberating idea and one I embrace wholeheartedly when I moved over here 2 years ago. I used to be the unfit, unhealthy girl in the group. The one who would huff and puff on easy hikes, who would talk the talk but hide when it came to walking the walk. I pretend to have no fear because I was scared of not being liked.
So I moved over here and I became Sporty Spice in the office. The girl who went to the gym everyday almost, the girl who had the healthy snacks but wasn’t dieting. The girl who went out dancing and drinking and meeting new people. Nobody knew me as anything else, so who was going to argue with the new me?
And now I have that chance again. A chance to embrace the bits of me I love and leave the rest behind. A chance to cultivate me again. A chance to grow up again.
So, my list:
- I want to be a writer. As in, I want to write for pleasure, with purpose. I want to find a writing group for support and write fiction, memoirs, articles, the lot. I want to sign up for more writing courses.
- I want to be a dancer. I want to sign up for dancing lessons and learn to salsa, to tango, to waltz.
- I want to be a photographer. I want to work on my skills again and get back into something I loved.
- I want to be a hiker. I want to be the person who goes hiking and exploring on weekends instead of watching pretty tv shows and thinking about going but never doing it.
Sounds a lot more interesting than being a freelance project manager
Not that I’m unhappy with my work – in fact, I really enjoy it. But I think I need to nurture the bits of me that I’ve put aside for a while. I know I’m going to have a lot going on in the next year but I think this is the perfect opportunity.
Who’s with me? What do you want to be?
Time to inspire
Right-o. I’ve had enough of the mopey me, focusing on the negative aspects of my body. It’s time for reminder post:
Last week, my supposedly flabby arms helped me bench press 50lbs. True, we (and my chest) only managed 10 reps instead of 12, but holy shivers, I’m impressed. That’s the most I’ve ever pressed.
Last week my stocky little legs helped me leg press 130lbs. Which is a bit more than I weigh. I pressed me on that machine. AWESOME.
I spent the day with my cousins on Sunday and we walked 10km over 4 hours in the middle of the day heat and my stocky little legs carried me FINE. My lungs worked perfectly and, despite a little dehydration, I emerged unscathed.
I’m pretty tired and I’m finding myself exhausted come 8:30 at night but I know that once I push through it, I’m fine. It’s a little bit of the depression coming through, I know. And I also know that I’m not a hostage to it.
This week will be a GREAT week. Even if I have to force it to be.
The bane of my existence
There is an intruder in my apartment. He waited outside, patiently, until I opened the door in a moment of weakness. He entered the apartment sometime over the weekend and refuses to leave. Whenever I enter a room, he’s there, lurking in the shadows. When I open the door and beg him to leave, he stubbornly refuses until I can beg no more.
Does anyone know how I can persuade this stupid FLY to flee?!
Seriously, I’m at the point where I’m prepared to buy the strongest fly spray known to man just to rid myself of this unwanted visitor. I’m not a fan of fly sprays, mainly because they tend to asphixiate everyone in the vicinity EXCEPT the fly (who seems to know exactly where to go to avoid the damn stuff) but I’m at the end of my rope. I could have sworn he was out earlier and I rejoiced, alas prematurely for he made a move and I saw him again, in my bedroom.
I never thought of myself as someone with murderous tendancies, other than when it came to my assistant, but this fly is pushing me to my limits. Wait, maybe it was the mosquito last week that pushed me to my limits and the fly is more the last straw …
Whichever it is, do you think it’s wrong to attack with a hammer?
Condolences
Please pop over to Priorfatgirl’s blog and leave your condolences on the loss of her mother yesterday. It’s a sad story – she was walking with her grandson in a stroller and she was hit by a car.
I am heartsore for her. Thinking about losin my mom gives me goosebumps and so I can only imagine what she and her family are going through.
I'm a twenty-something Aussie who was living in Canada and has now moved to New Zealand and trying to be somewhat strong and healthy while I navigate the perils of living with my Boy, freelancing and planning a long-distance wedding without losing my mind. Welcome!
