I’ve been thinking about the habit of labelling or categorising food and behaviour as good or bad. The other day I blogged about how I love sushi (yum!) but the rice isn’t that great. There I was, the great-hater-of-labelling, demonising my favourite food because of the dreaded C word … CARBS.
For years I demonised peanut butter (FAT) and eggs (FAT) and pasta (CARBS) etc.
I demonised my food and my behaviour – did I walk to work? Did I deserve that chocolate? Once I’d eaten the chocolate, I’d beat myself up about how ‘bad’ it was, even if I enjoyed it. So usually, I’d eat the chocolate or [insert food of choice] and then end up taking away all the enjoyment.
I still find myself thinking about good days and bad days and I want to stop that. I want to stop the idea that in order to be ‘good’ I have to eat such-and-such and do X number of reps.
Life happens. Life needs to happen. And life is neither good nor bad. It just is. I need to be able to enjoy a meal out with my parents, accept that they brought me delicious Australian chocolate (anyone who has not experienced Tim Tams is missing out!!) and that, you know what? I can have one at a time, walk away from the fridge and enjoy it.
I find myself slipping more and more into the good/bad ideology the more I’m around my mother. The other day I told her that she was looking really good (things are all about appearance in her world) and her response?
“Oy, I’ve gained so much weight on this holiday. I need to lose 5kgs and then I’ll look good”
My response to that was “Mom, the words are thank you. That’s all you had to say” (wrong? maybe)
But you see, with her, it’s all about if you deserve to feel/look good. If you’ve been on good behaviour, you can accept compliments. If not, you don’t deserve it.
I don’t want to fall into that trap. Being away from it for 8 months made me forget how toxic it is. Now I’m more resolved to work hard but let life happen.
(Sorry about the rambling)