It’s all very trying

I’m really trying to be positive but it’s a challenge this week. I’m waking up tired and headachy which could be asthma or allergies or stress. I’m voting for stress considering that this HAS been the week from hell. It’s a case of one thing after another and I barely have time to breathe, let alone work through my list.

I didn’t make enough food last night for leftover so I just ate some fish and salad from the cafeteria. I ate too much, I feel ill and I knew it was too much but I kept eating. Ugh. One slip up will not break the bank but I’m still unimpressed with myself. I think this is a little of the perfectionist in me coming out in the way I’m reacting – nothing else seems controllable at the moment so I feel like this should be. But I need to remember that life happens.

I was supposed to meet up with N before training last night for some cardio and when I got there, she was nowhere to be seen. I waited for a while and then assumed she got caught up at work. I was very surprised to see her working on on the elliptical when I got downstairs – but I didn’t say anything. I didn’t go up to her. I just got onto another elliptical at the end of the row and worked out. She was gone by the time I got off. I texted her after training asking what happened and she lied and said she had waited for me and then gone upstairs onto the treadmill. I’m not really sure what the point of the lie was but it makes me more comfortable with my decision to move out without her. Living alone has got to be better than living with someone who isn’t entirely reliable. After the whole concert fiasco on Monday and now this, I’m a little wary.

I didn’t point out that I had seen her because I didn’t think that would really accomplish much. I just know now what to expect.

I’m looking at some apartments tonight in my building, which would awesome if they’re any good – that would be the best move! Pack up, get in the elevator, unpack. No truck and little stress. We’ll see how it goes.

I think this is all getting a little on top of me. Work is stressful, I’m waiting to see if I can get my visa sorted out (my current visa expires in October and I need to get work to get my paperwork in order to apply for a new work permit before then another I’m outta here), apartment hunting and my dad not being well. He goes in for his biopsy tomorrow so that’s weighing really heavily on my mind.

I know I need to breathe. Just breathe. The list of things to get done seems impossible to conquer but it will get there. I’m sitting here with my green tea brewing and if that doesn’t clear my mind, I’ll go for a walk. It’s just been one of those weeks and I’ll be very glad when it’s over. I really hate to come across like a sad sack and I promise I’ll be back to cheery posts soon. In fact, I SWEAR the next post will be all about unicorns and kittens. Exercising. Just to keep to topic.

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3 thoughts on “It’s all very trying

  1. good luck with all of this. at least you have time for tea and a walk. that’s always good. and breathing… deep breathing during the day and closing your eyes always helps me out, so maybe try that. at least you’re moving forward and pushing on, and even if this post doesn’t seem too cheery, you do seem optimistic about the future so that’s good!

  2. it will get done—however from a woman who does NOT respond to platitudes (shocking I know. at times I wanna scream when friends give me a whats supposed to be calming “just breathe MizFit” EYEROLL)
    I say hang in there and STOMP YOUR FEET and hurl a few things against the wall if it makes you feel better.

    xo xo,

    M.

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