On why pushups are the work of the devil

I cannot move today. I could not move yesterday. I despise push-ups with all my heart. I would punch my trainer out for making me do them on Wednesday except I cannot lift my arms.

I have a persistant itch on my back that I can’t scratch – I can’t get my arms to move into position.

Look, I know that push-ups are one of the best exercises around but really, moving my arms and legs would be appreciated. I’m not asking for a lot – perhaps not having to take 10 minutes to put on my sweater in the morning? Perhaps not having to contemplate not going to the bathroom in the middle of night because, really, is it that uncomfortable that I have to actually get up?

I know too that this pain shall pass but I’m hoping it will pass in the next, oh, say, 3 hours. Why 3 hours you ask? I have plans to go dancing tonight and at the moment, the only dancing I’m doing is the Robot. While some things might be coming back into fashion, I highly doubt the Robot will ever come back and I’m thankful for that.

I’ve tried Epsom Salts and hot showers and stretching and advil. Nothing helping so far. Seriously, I feel like I’ve never exercised before and this is my punishment. I never expected to feel this way after exercising for over a year.

Damn pushups.

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