On the not-so-good side

  • I’ve been wearing my ‘big’ jeans the last few days – not because my smaller jeans don’t fit but because I like feeling skinnier.
  • I’ve been rewarding myself with dark chocolate and justifying it by saying that I’m working hard or working out.
  • I’ve been justifying chips and fries and crap because I’m stressed and I deserve it.
  • I’m eating because I’m bored not because I’m hungry.

On the good side:

  • I’ve been drinking TONS of water and green tea (the tea because it’s DAMN cold!).
  • I’ve been working out even when I’m tired and would rather crawl into bed and avoid the world.
  • I’m planning a party on Valentine’s Day (which could be a bad point with all the alchol etc) to be social and stop working such long hours.

I’m not allowing the not-so-good to outweigh the good because life is not black or white. It’s about getting balance and I’m working on it. I’m aware that my eating is not great right now and I’m struggling with making the healthy choice some of the time. I’m very aware of the angel and devil on my shoulders and the intense discussion that goes one whenever I crave a chocolate or whatnot – the justification, the bribery, the guilt. But I’m working through it.

And I’m also aware that I’m in danger of sinking into hermit-like behaviour which is another reason I’m throwing the party. I need to plan some socialising that I can’t make excuses for and bail on. Hell, if people are coming to MY place, I need to BE there, you know?

Anyway, confessions out of the way. Pizza for lunch (lunch meeting, boss has ordered pizza, no choice in the matter) but it’s all good. After all, I deserve it AND I’m working out tonight ๐Ÿ˜›


3 thoughts on “Confessions

  1. re: wearing “big” jeans to feel skinnier — I do this, too! haha!

    Also been having quite a time withstanding chocolate. I even went to Walmart today specifically to buy a bag of chocolate. After carrying the candy around for a while, I ended up putting it back on the shelf. But later — oh yeah, there was a later and it found me at Dairy Queen purchasing a hot fudge sundae. (yikes.)

    But you know, this is Life, not some heinously strict religion. I want to be done feeling guilty about food and I want to stop feeling the need to explain, justify and redeem myself for having “off plan” food.

    Have fun at your party! ๐Ÿ™‚

  2. it isnt black or white huh? which is why I ROLL MY EYES at Oprah and her life balance crap ๐Ÿ™‚
    my life is never in balance BUT can work pretty damn well in HARMONY.
    something is always more than…or less than…but it still works in tangent.
    Im looking for balance, sure, but….

    happy friday!

  3. BikiniMe: EXACTLY – I need to get over the whole justifying myself (even to myself) feeling when it comes to ‘eating off plan’ – I know how I feel when I stay on plan but sometimes, life happens. Cravings happen. The best I can do is be aware.

    Miz: I agree – I don’t think life is designed like a set of scales with the aim of perfect balance. I’d prefer not to be overloading one side or the other completely, but if I only consider perfect balance a success, I’m doomed to failure.

    I prefer more realistic goals and visions of success.

    Happy Friday!!

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