Things I’m grateful for on this Monday morning:
- My family and my friends are okay after the worst bushfires in history in Victoria. Over 130 people are dead, scores injured, over 800 homes lost, entire towns razed to the ground. I am thankful that nobody in my close circle has suffered but I mourn for those who have.
- I have a great job that, while it causes me stress, is very challenging and, most importantly, is there. So many people are out of work and facing tough times and I need to remember this more and more when I feel the pinch. I have a job, I have a paycheck, I have a place to live. So what if I can’t plan vacations and go shopping for stupid things. There are more important things in life.
- I have made some amazing friends since I’ve been here. I am as social as I could want to be and, while I don’t have a history here, I’m making one. They’re becoming my family and even though I miss my family tons (and more right now when Australia is in mourning), I value these people who seem to like me in all my weirdness.
- I haven’t fallen on the ice this winter yet.
I’m struggling a little bit this morning. I’m missing my family, I’m missing my comfort zone. I slept really badly last night and I woke up to an emotional email from my father. I’m sitting at my desk feeling very teary and wishing I could go home but it’s only 8:45am. I feel like I’m disappointing my father by not going to shul every week, by going out on Friday nights, by not being perfect. And I know that’s not what he intends me to feel. But I do. I always have wanted to please him and make him proud and I feel like I’m failing at that. I feel like I’ve abandoned him and my family by leaving Australia and wanting to stay here. I feel like I should be giving up my life here and going back for them but not for them, for me. I don’t know.
It’s not easy being so far away when you want a hug.