On being grateful

Things I’m grateful for on this Monday morning:

  1. My family and my friends are okay after the worst bushfires in history in Victoria. Over 130 people are dead, scores injured, over 800 homes lost, entire towns razed to the ground. I am thankful that nobody in my close circle has suffered but I mourn for those who have.
  2. I have a great job that, while it causes me stress, is very challenging and, most importantly, is there. So many people are out of work and facing tough times and I need to remember this more and more when I feel the pinch. I have a job, I have a paycheck, I have a place to live. So what if I can’t plan vacations and go shopping for stupid things. There are more important things in life.
  3. I have made some amazing friends since I’ve been here. I am as social as I could want to be and, while I don’t have a history here, I’m making one. They’re becoming my family and even though I miss my family tons (and more right now when Australia is in mourning), I value these people who seem to like me in all my weirdness.
  4. I haven’t fallen on the ice this winter yet.

I’m struggling a little bit this morning. I’m missing my family, I’m missing my comfort zone. I slept really badly last night and I woke up to an emotional email from my father. I’m sitting at my desk feeling very teary and wishing I could go home but it’s only 8:45am. I feel like I’m disappointing my father by not going to shul every week, by going out on Friday nights, by not being perfect. And I know that’s not what he intends me to feel. But I do. I always have wanted to please him and make him proud and I feel like I’m failing at that. I feel like I’ve abandoned him and my family by leaving Australia and wanting to stay here. I feel like I should be giving up my life here and going back for them but not for them, for me. I don’t know.

It’s not easy being so far away when you want a hug.

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6 thoughts on “On being grateful

  1. Hi! I’m not commenting on this particular post (actually, haven’t read it yet. Will do in a min!), but I just read the comment you left on MizFit’s blog this morning and wanted to ask if you’ll marry me. haha!
    You wrote:
    “I like to think that instead of closing our eyes and saying yes only, we can ask ourselves seriously “why not?” ”
    I’ve been having this same sort of … thing … (god, just love that vocabulary! sheesh! ) going on in my life lately. Instead of just accepting that I don’t do something because of whatever reasons have been good enough up till now, I find I’ve been examining my assumptions about myself and asking, “Why not? Why not me?”

    You rock! — go ahead and ask that cute guy out. 🙂

  2. And now I’ve read your entry and I’m sending warm thoughts and virtual hugs your way. Sorry that you’re feeling so down this morning — the fires in Australia are tragic, even though you and your family are not directly impacted.

    Regarding your turmoil about moving back to Australia, maybe the question to ask yourself is, “Do I want to be there more than I want to be here?” You could even write it in a note, with instructions to “check yes or no” at the bottom. 🙂

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