Yesterday was a good day exercise wise. I went for a nice long (uphill) walk and then came back to the hotel room and did a bunch of body-weight squats, leg raises, lunges and a few short planks. I threw in some bridges for good measure too. I felt strong again. This morning, before we checked out, I did a set of squats, side and back leg raises and a set of reverse crunches. Not a lot but better than nothing.
Food is a bit more of a challenge. When I make the selection, I generally choose well, except for the veggie muffin I just had (but it had tons of veggies, so it’s healthy? Maybe?). When the Boy comes home with dinner and it’s a burger (to share) and two bags of fries, I’m not so strong. I know he’s being super considerate bringing food back to the hotel but I’m not so strong as to ignore the fries and walk away. I try to explain that to him but his response is more “well, I didn’t force you to eat them!” which is true enough and honestly, I should have the strength to walk away because they are not good for me. But when they’re staring at me all salty and delicious, I can’t ignore them. So I eat them. And I feel revolting afterwards when I look in the mirror and see the pudge and the mini muffin top building and I remember that these jeans are supposed to be my fat jeans but they fit a little too snugly now.
I know it’s not his fault and I need to be a little stronger in myself. I know that I need to take responsibility but it’s tough when I’m trying to get us both to eat healthier and I’m trying to lose these 5 10 lbs I’ve gained in the last few months – although since my scale is in a box on its way here, I haven’t weighed myself in a while, so it could be more lbs that I have gained and therefore have to drop. And as much as I’d like to say this is all about being healthy, it’s also a little bit about the fact that when I look in the mirror, I see pudge and no definition like there used to be. I see someone who looks okay but not great. I’m aware of my jeans feeling snug and my tops riding up slightly.
This is not who I want to be and I need to take control. Not half-heartedly but completely. No giving up responsibility but taking it all back.