A saboteur in the house

Yesterday was a good day exercise wise. I went for a nice long (uphill) walk and then came back to the hotel room and did a bunch of body-weight squats, leg raises, lunges and a few short planks. I threw in some bridges for good measure too. I felt strong again. This morning, before we checked out, I did a set of squats, side and back leg raises and a set of reverse crunches. Not a lot but better than nothing.

Food is a bit more of a challenge. When I make the selection, I generally choose well, except for the veggie muffin I just had (but it had tons of veggies, so it’s healthy? Maybe?). When the Boy comes home with dinner and it’s a burger (to share) and two bags of fries, I’m not so strong. I know he’s being super considerate bringing food back to the hotel but I’m not so strong as to ignore the fries and walk away. I try to explain that to him but his response is more “well, I didn’t force you to eat them!” which is true enough and honestly, I should have the strength to walk away because they are not good for me. But when they’re staring at me all salty and delicious, I can’t ignore them. So I eat them. And I feel revolting afterwards when I look in the mirror and see the pudge and the mini muffin top building and I remember that these jeans are supposed to be my fat jeans but they fit a little too snugly now.

I know it’s not his fault and I need to be a little stronger in myself. I know that I need to take responsibility but it’s tough when I’m trying to get us both to eat healthier and I’m trying to lose these 5 10 lbs I’ve gained in the last few months – although since my scale is in a box on its way here, I haven’t weighed myself in a while, so it could be more lbs that I have gained and therefore have to drop. And as much as I’d like to say this is all about being healthy, it’s also a little bit about the fact that when I look in the mirror, I see pudge and no definition like there used to be. I see someone who looks okay but not great. I’m aware of my jeans feeling snug and my tops riding up slightly.

This is not who I want to be and I need to take control. Not half-heartedly but completely. No giving up responsibility but taking it all back.

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One thought on “A saboteur in the house

  1. I realize the responsibility to eat or not eat is entirely yours, but but could you maybe explain to the Boy how much his SUPPORT would help you? Like my husband, he probably really has no clue about things like this, which we take completly for granted. Just a thought!!

    Glad things are working out for you otherwise! 🙂 I’ve been reading, just don’t have a lot of time for commenting lately!!

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