My mother is a sensitive soul.
My SIL is not.
My mother is a giver and a doer and I’ll-do-anything-for-you-and-probably-do-too-much person.
My SIL is not.
My mother has just gone through my brother’s wedding and basically through the wringer with my SIL. She wanted to do so much for them and was held back. Now, a few times she did overstep a little, but instead of pulling back a little, she got hurt and upset and refused to do anything.
Oh, did I not mention that she’s a sulker?
So, flash forward to my wedding planning here. I’m being very careful to include all the parents. To run things by people and listen to their opinions. To ask for help and accept their help. But sometimes I feel like I need to speak up when I’m upset and I would like to think that my mother and I have the sort of relationship where we can do that.
The other day, we’re talking and my mother pipes up that she’s booked the florist. Great, except I haven’t spoken to a florist yet. I’ve never even mentioned it to her, nor have we discussed it at all. Nada. She just booked it. Now, I know that she knows this florist is good and reliable and 90% I’d end up using her, but I felt ambushed.
I talked it over with the Boy and decided that I wanted to say something, but I knew I’d have to be careful. I’m glad she thinks of these things and I’m grateful for it, but I’d like her to run it by me first – even just a text is fine. Reasonable, right? I thought so.
I brought it up, we chatted, I thought we were fine.
My dad called me to tell me that I’d majorly upset her and I need to think of other people sometimes and not be so selfish and remember that he’s in the middle here and not to be angry. Of course I’m frigging ANGRY. I would like to think that my mother could talk to me about it. No, instead she went and cancelled the florist and is now pulling back from helping.
I called her and I THINK we’re okay but now I need to remember something:
Say nothing EVER. This is not my wedding. It’s her wedding. And at the end of the day, I’ll be married to my best friend, she’ll be happy, my dad’ll be happy and we can move on. Bring on October please.
Ugh. Not a good day.