Whose wedding is it anyway?

My mother is a sensitive soul.

My SIL is not.

My mother is a giver and a doer and I’ll-do-anything-for-you-and-probably-do-too-much person.

My SIL is not.

My mother has just gone through my brother’s wedding and basically through the wringer with my SIL. She wanted to do so much for them and was held back. Now, a few times she did overstep a little, but instead of pulling back a little, she got hurt and upset and refused to do anything.

Oh, did I not mention that she’s a sulker?

So, flash forward to my wedding planning here. I’m being very careful to include all the parents. To run things by people and listen to their opinions. To ask for help and accept their help. But sometimes I feel like I need to speak up when I’m upset and I would like to think that my mother and I have the sort of relationship where we can do that.

Apparently not.

The other day, we’re talking and my mother pipes up that she’s booked the florist. Great, except I haven’t spoken to a florist yet. I’ve never even mentioned it to her, nor have we discussed it at all. Nada. She just booked it. Now, I know that she knows this florist is good and reliable and 90% I’d end up using her, but I felt ambushed.

I talked it over with the Boy and decided that I wanted to say something, but I knew I’d have to be careful. I’m glad she thinks of these things and I’m grateful for it, but I’d like her to run it by me first – even just a text is fine. Reasonable, right? I thought so.

I brought it up, we chatted, I thought we were fine.

Apparently not.

My dad called me to tell me that I’d majorly upset her and I need to think of other people sometimes and not be so selfish and remember that he’s in the middle here and not to be angry. Of course I’m frigging ANGRY. I would like to think that my mother could talk to me about it. No, instead she went and cancelled the florist and is now pulling back from helping.

I called her and I THINK we’re okay but now I need to remember something:

Say nothing EVER. This is not my wedding. It’s her wedding. And at the end of the day, I’ll be married to my best friend, she’ll be happy, my dad’ll be happy and we can move on. Bring on October please.

Ugh. Not a good day.

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9 thoughts on “Whose wedding is it anyway?

  1. Im going through the whole wedding planning process right now too, and have realized as much as it’s MY wedding and OUR (fiances and I’s) big day, both of our mothers want a say. Granted my mom tends to be way less judgemental than his (his Mom called and berated my Mom because she-his mom- didnt like the shower invitations….the shower that MY MOM is hosting.) Sometimes I feel like I just cant freaking win with any of them. Love them all, but this is why people say they want to run off to Vegas and elope lol.

    It is a great time besides that though!

  2. Actually, I disagree with kilax a little- my mom is VERY Similar, and I early on came to the conclusion that if I battled with her over everything, we’d both be miserable. For me, being married to John at the end of the day was all that mattered. Did I end up with some stuff at my wedding that wasn’t what I wanted? Yup. But I probably would have ended up with those things anyway, just with a huge intervening fight if I’d tried to challenge my mom on them. OR, worse, I’d have ended up with my mom being a nightmare, refusing to help, and acting pouty at the wedding. That would be worse. So what I’m saying is: I feel you.

  3. your mom sure has some chutzpah, huh? i would have been definitely angry too. and for it to be turned around so that you end up feeling like the bad guy is just plain wrong.
    i guess you need to pick your battles, but she had her chance when she got married, this is YOUR special day. jmho.

    • The thing is that I know she’s got the best intentions and is not doing anything out of spite, it’s just that she’s so sensitive that things I don’t think are a big deal, turn out to be massive.

      And it really is about picking my battles I guess. In the end, I’m not sure how worth it it is to get her offside.

  4. Oh, I’m sorry! I’m glad the stress is not with your sweetie. Bodes well. For what it’s worth, I think your mom should have checked with you before acting, but it sounds like she had difficulty letting you drive. I trust you still get a happy wedding and a long and joyful married life.

    • So far, the Boy and I have been okay with all this. We’re both walking fine lines with the parental issues – so we commiserate together. I really understand why people elope now. I know it’ll still be a lovely wedding at the end of the day and I just need to pick my battles!

  5. I definitely hear you on this. I’ve been trying so hard to pick my battles, but I realize that when I hold it in I end up bursting out in anger. I am so ready for this wedding to be over so I can go back to having a normal relationship with everyone in my life.

    • Tell me about it! I’m looking forward to the day itself, because I know it will be great fun and then looking forward to every day after that. It’s the planning that drives me mental and seems to drive a lot of people around me as mental! Glad I’m not alone on this 🙂

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