It’s been almost a year since I started working freelance (well, 8 months really but almost a year sounds better). In this time, I’ve reached the following conclusion:
I hate working freelance.
I hate the lonliness, the silence, the lack of stimulation and socialisation. I hate the networking and boredom. I hate waiting for cheques to arrive and relying on some stupid person to process my invoice and pay me on time. I hate having to keep money aside for taxes and never getting money back. I hate having to think of everything as an expense and how I can claim it.
But the whole reason I started freelancing was because there was nothing in my industry here in Auckland. No educational publishing work at all.
So I thought, after the wedding, I’ll look for a part-time job, still keeping some freelance work on the side. That way, I’ll keep the career stuff going but get the socialisation stuff happening too.
The problem is that I’ll still want something I’m actually interested in. I don’t want to get a job just for the sake of getting a job, you know? And I looked online last night, hopeful.
There is officially NOTHING out there in anything that interests me. I know things might change in 4 months but at the moment, there’s nothing. And I feel despondent. Because I don’t want to be the one to give up my career, my interests, but I also need more than freelancing is giving me. I know that if I give up everything that interests me, I’ll end up resenting The Boy and that’s the last thing I want. But I can’t continue like this forever. I’m going mad day by day.
All i can do is keep my fingers crossed that when I start looking properly after the wedding, something magical will be available. Can you all cross your fingers for me too?