Getting over it

Do you ever get over the loss of a friendship?

I mean, really get over it and move on and never look back?

I’m struggling here. I really am. I miss my Person so much. My friend who had been with me and me with her through some serious life dramas – relationships and breakups, depression, travel, emigration, divorce (on her side), and everything in between. This is the girl I thought I would grow old with, you know? The friend you’ve had for forever and a day and 30 years later, you’re still gabbing over chai lattes and brunch at the local cafe.

Well, that cafe is no longer serving brunch on a Sunday and it seems with it, we’ll no longer be gabbing at all. I thought our friendship could withstand it all but apparently I was wrong.

I know that we had been drifting apart, having lived in separate countries for going on 3 years already. Our friendship circle itself has pretty much disintergrated – people have moved to the suburbs and had kids, moved on, changed focus – but I wasn’t ready to let this go. I thought I’d put in enough effort but one screw-up on my part and it’s gone.

We haven’t spoken really since the wedding. One hurried phone call while I was on my way to the airport and that’s it. I was determined not to chase her this time and I left it, waiting for her to reach out to me. I know she knows I’m home – she’s been on facebook enough – and I heard nothing. So yesterday, a whole month after the wedding, I caved in and I sent her, with another friend, an email with a photo of the three of us from the wedding. I hoped to get some sort of response and got nothing.

And I know I shouldn’t have expected anything. I know that’s always my problem and it’s my problem not her’s but it hurts. I was hoping that a photo of us happy and smiling would remind her of how important our friendship is/was. Or least, I thought it was.

My question is though, do you get over this? Or do you hold onto it forever, the hurt diminishing a little each day but never fully going away? Could someone tell me how to move on please?

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2 thoughts on “Getting over it

  1. I lost a close friendship when I was 18. It was weird circumstances (long story) but it was sad because we were both in the wrong. I knew that TECHNICALLY I had done nothing wrong but I was immature and she was immature and even today (at 26) I look back and think, “Wow, I wouldn’t change my decision – the one that cost a friendship – but I would have totally dealt with it better. I wish I could tell her I get that now.”

    Every now and then we will cross paths (very occasionally) or someone will mention they’ve been in touch with her. It stings the tiniest bit, but I know in reality if I sat down and tried to resolve it with her, there would no longer be anything to resolve. Do I still feel a tinge of regret? Yeah. But do I grieve the friendship still? No.

    Don’t worry, you will be OK. Of course there’s a grieving process. I am so sorry for your loss. I hope it feels better soon x

  2. I really feel for you, Mandy 😦 *hugs*…I know exactly how you feel…I lost my person more than 10 years ago now and it took me forever to get over it and move on…Time does heal…but I mourned for a long time. The loss of a friendship is like a death, and it takes time, but it will get better, I assure you. You hang in there…

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