I weighed myself this morning, after a week of particularly bad eating and no activity. I really didn’t need to weigh myself to know that I’d gained weight but I had that little kernel of hope that maybe I was being paranoid.
Nope. I have officially gained 10lbs since the wedding.
I am at my heaviest in 2 years and I hate it. I hate the way I feel – the lack of energy, the sluggishness. I hate the muffin top over my “big” jeans. I hate that none of my work pants fit me, or that my work shirts are tight around my arms. This is a problem now because I have interviews lined up and I suddenly need new clothes, but I like my old clothes.
I hate feeling fat. I hate looking in the mirror and this morning, the number glared at me.
Suddenly I find myself a New Year’s cliche – I want to lose weight NOW. Yeah, me and everyone else. But I’ve done this before and I know how it’s done. I’ve been letting myself slide – 2lbs here, 2lbs there – and it’s not okay anymore.
Normally I would say, well, I’m in Melbourne with the family this week and there’s no gym for me there so I’ll start when we get back. But I hate how I feel NOW so I’m going to make the effort this week as much as possible. Normally, I take gym clothes with me and either never use them or only use them once. Not this time. Hold me accountable people!
These 10lbs may have started 2011 with me but I’m sending them back to 2010 as soon as possible.