The Hypothetical Light

It has now been almost 10 weeks of little or no freelance work, otherwise known as the never-ending vacation, and I’m struggling a bit. I’m struggling to remember that there is a light at the end of the tunnel that I just can’t see yet.

The light is moving to Melbourne. The light is getting a full-time job, or at least earning some money and being fulfilled. The light is having friends again. The light is both of us being happy and fulfilled.

The light is not having to cheer The Boy up every day before he goes to work and then cheer myself up to spend a day looking for work, cleaning, and trying to sort ourselves out for our hypothetical move.

This not knowing is killing me. I know we’re moving but I don’t know when. So I’m trying to unclutter and clean and get quotes but for something happening in the somewhere future. I’m meeting with real estate agents talking about renting our place out when we eventually move but I don’t know when that is.

I’m looking for work and networking in some way every day, be it an email to an old colleague to remind them I’m still around, or trawling the jobs boards or joining more associations and groups. I’m asking everyone for freelance work – apparently I’ve been added to everyone’s list but alas, the work is not flowing through right now. I’m not patient, hence freelancing sucks for me.

And every day drags on and on and on. And when The Boy comes home and asks me what I’ve been up to, I struggle to tell him because I know I’ve done something during the day but when I tell him it sounds really lame. Yesterday I emailed and sorted out a few things for my one freelance job going right now, I cleaned, I cooked, I met with a real estate agent and I looked for work. Today I picked up some carpet samples to see about redoing our carpet and I talked to some friends overseas and I looked for work.

So today The Boy is in good spirits – he’s in the middle of a course at work, he’s learning, he’s challenged. And I’m glad. But today, he’s got the optimism that everything will be okay. Today I’m struggling to see that hypothetical light. Maybe tomorrow it’ll be brighter.


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