Where do I fit in?

I’ve been back in Melbourne for almost 2 weeks now and it’s good to be social again. It’s also a little weird to be returning permanently to my life from 4 years ago. I’m back living with the parents, seeing the same old friends and visiting the same haunts. I’m just a completely different person really.

Even though I’ve been back visiting in the almost four years I’ve been away, it’s not the same as living here. My friends still remember me as the person I was – the non-cooking, non-exercising, skinny-fat girl who threw processed food into the microwave and avoided any type of exercise like the plague. I’m not really that girl anymore – despite the fact that I’ve been lazy as heck recently and really have to get back into the whole exercising game. I might still buy processed food in a pinch (okay, a bit more often than that sometimes) but I cook and love to cook. I love reading recipe books and magazines and trying new things. I exercise as a habit now and miss it when I don’t. I’m up to date with the latest in nutrition and diet and fitness wisdom, even if I don’t also choose to follow said wisdom.

But I’m also used to being the one who does this and knows this and suddenly I don’t know where I fit in in my old group of friends. They’re all competitively working out together and I’ve always said I wanted gym buddies but I’m not competitive so the whole regime is off-putting to me. I don’t want weekly weigh-ins with my friends, or to be timed running the 1000 steps once OR twice. I don’t want to listen to wisdom gained from The Biggest Loser where you have to eat ONLY 1200 calories to lose weight, regardless of your activity or current weight. I don’t want to talk about how bad fruit is for you or how terrible carbs are. But I keep my mouth shut since they all talk with authority and who am I to butt in? After all, I’m the lazy, unfit one of the group…

I knew this would happen I think. I know that I’ve changed a lot over the past few years – we all have – and I’m not sure where I fit anymore. But I love the company and the history that we have so I have to find that middle ground. And rejig my idea of gym buddies – maybe I’m a solo gym-goer at heart?


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