You know how some days you wake up and you’re in A Mood all day? Everything seems to be tougher to deal with and nothing goes your way? And you end up questioning every decision you’ve made?
Yeah, well yesterday was That Day for me. On Wednesday, I got an email about a job I’d applied for in December and hadn’t even interviewed for. Apparently, a position has opened up and they approached me about it. So I was torn. Suddenly, I started thinking that maybe this job was The Job and I should take it. So yesterday, my mind was on greener pastures, which is ridiculous since I’m only 3 weeks into this job.
But as a result, everything about yesterday was more frustrating and it seemed like I was walking through treacle the whole day. I had a run-in with a colleague from another department who, as I’ve been warned, is quite patronising generally and even more so to new employees who she assumes know absolutely nothing. That might be the case in some situations, but I’ve got a bit of experience behind me so I wanted to yell at her to stop treating me like a kid. Even though I was warned afterwards that she’s just like that, it knocked my confidence massively and compounded The Mood.
And then The Boy texted me to let me know that he’d been in a minor bumper bashing (a friend was driving, she got hit from behind so not her fault) and even though he assured me that he was okay, other than a little stiff, I started getting all teary and worried. So I called him. And got more teary somehow. Seriously, I was a bundle of worry and really, all I wanted was to give him a hug and be there for him. Distance makes that challenging. Stupid 21st century and a lack of instantaneous travel yet.
So the day was hard. The fact that I’m still eating lunch alone is still hard. The fact that I still feel like the new kid on the block and the outsider is hard. If it’s possible to feel lonely in amongst so many people, I felt it keenly yesterday.
But today I woke up and I’m determined to beat The Mood into submission. People are not exactly going to warm to someone in A Mood and work is not going to get easier if I let The Mood win.
I figure we all have Those Moods, and those days where The Mood wins. But it’s how we deal with it and right now, I’m choosing to believe that I’m not an idiot and things are not that bad. The Boy gets here in less than a week so I’m holding out for that.