I resigned yesterday.
I struggled with the fact that I was resigning after only being with the company for 2 months – maybe I hadn’t given it a fair go? Maybe I’m being crazy accepting a job offer with my old company. After all, surely you move up and beyond your old jobs? Surely you don’t go back?
But I thought long and hard about it and I realised that I wouldn’t be true to myself if I stayed in this job, getting by every day, knowing that there was another option out there. An option with more challenges and more money. I know that money doesn’t rule the world but damn, it helps! And I crave challenges. I hate that I have time to blog at work. I hate that I have time to surf the ‘net, check my phone, redo my to do list three times and wonder why I’m bored when everyone else seems busy.
I’m bored because this job that I have is perfectly within in my skill set. I can do this with my eyes closed. There was no training period required and in face, I’ve struggled with the fact that they routinely give new starters simple work to get going because the simple stuff bores me. I like being busy and chaotic to some degree. I like days that fly by instead of clock watching, which is where I’m landed.
But I also realised that taking a job I could do easily was stupid. Instead of shying away from jobs that challenge me, I should have gone for them more confidently. Maybe I don’t have every skill down pat for my new position yet but that’s what excites me. I told them that I want to be more hands-on, more involved in the writing and editing and actual creation of the books. And I’ll get that. My new job is at a small company where job titles are redundant to some degree. If something needs doing, you do it. And I like that.
And then I thought, this is a lesson I need to take into every facet of my life really. Consciously or not, I limit myself to my actual skills in my things instead of reaching for the things that are seemingly beyond me. I don’t run because I can’t run much right now. So I need to change that mindset again (I’ve tried before!). I’ve done this with my writing too – I don’t write much because I fear failing so it becomes harder and harder to write.
Right now, what scares me slightly is the thought of applying for my Masters in Creative Writing, Publishing and Editing, even though the girl at Melbourne Uni was very encouraging yesterday on the phone. I have to write 3000 words for a folio for entry and that scares me. What if I’m not good enough?
And you know what? Because it scares me, I’m going to do it. Just watch me.