Today I woke up with a knot in my stomach. We had an emergency all staff meeting this morning and from the way things have been going, it could only have been bad news.
And it was.
Today, I was made redundant. Come the end of the day on December 16, I will no longer have a job. The first time in my life, I’m losing my job. I know I’m not the first to experience this and I won’t be the last but I could have done without it at all.
I know in my heart that this will lead to bigger and better things. I know that I’ll find something else, be it another full-time role in publishing or something a bit different, because I’m open to something different too. But it’s still really unsettling. I feel like I’ve been hit by a steam-roller. A bit dazed and confused and angry.
I am angry for a lot of reasons. I know that it’s not easy on my bosses. They’re the business owners, this is their dream and it’s falling apart a bit, right in front of them. I feel for them. But I’m still angry that I’m in this position at this time of the year, when jobs are not exactly falling off trees. I have to resign myself to at least 6-8 weeks off work and that makes me angry.
But I’m not wallowing much. I’ve updated my resume and sent it out to a few contacts already and they’re on the job for me . I’ll email a few recruitment agencies in the morning and I’ll find something. I know I will. In the meantime, I’ll keep working (since our collective last day is December 16 for some reason) and writing and cooking and possibly working out (since I really haven’t been doing that much). Hopefully this hit by a truck feeling will go away at some point and the low-level panic of omg I’m unemployed I need a job STAT! will follow shortly. We’re lucky enough not to be in a perilous financial state so I shouldn’t be panicking but I am. It’s low-level but it’s there.
I’ll be all right. I know I will. I will, right?