Comfortable ruts

A couple of weeks ago, a dear friend of ours lost her battle with leukaemia. She was 27. A beautiful, kind, caring soul who I am missing dreadfully already.

The funeral was on the Thursday, with a memorial on the Friday and, by the end of the week, I was drained of all energy and emotion.

Until the next moment when I remember what had happened and I cried again. It was a lot like that all week. And I’m let it just be because I needed to feel – need to feel – and let myself remember the good times (which make me laugh and then cry) and remember the tough times (which make me sad that she went through it and then glad that she’s not suffering anymore).

And the thing I keep coming back to is that ultimate cliché – life is too short.

And it is. It’s too short to be stuck in a rut, or in a comfort zone, depending on what you call it. Because they’re both the same thing in the end.

It’s hard to make changes. It’s terrifying actually. The Boy has just resigned from his safe job to go out on his own, which is terrifying in many ways, but I’m so proud of him for doing it. Yes, there will be tough times and I will learn to be industrious with tuna, rice and beans but it’s better than living life with regrets and in fear of change.

I told a friend during the week and her response surprised me. She called me naïve and went on about how we have commitments and responsibilities and yes, life is short but we’re adults now and we can’t just chuck it in.

And she’s right. I’m not that naïve to think that we can just chuck it all in and go travel or give our money away to charity and live in a shack on the beach. But at the same time, I think sometimes we need to close our eyes and take a leap, because thinking too long and hard about it can mean we end up doing nothing at all.

I’m not making a resolution or setting a challenge because I know myself and those tend to get forgotten very quickly. All I’m doing is trying to be aware, to challenge my preconceptions, to push a little harder, try something new and maybe learn something about myself and my limits. Because my rut is no longer comfortable.

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One thought on “Comfortable ruts

  1. Funny enough when another friend of mine told me of an unsimilarly similar plan, I reacted with concern (*not the kind of reaction you write of, but still hurtful to her) I realized that we all choose paths that we can be happy with. And I may not understand hers, it’s *hers*. While you have committments and responsibilities, it’s to each other and to yourselves. What life are you exemplifying to your future kid and what emotions would you bring home if you’re G-damn miserable and just acquiescing. Well done to him for doing this!!!

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