Dark moods and sunshine

All week I’ve been in a weird funk. I don’t know what it is but this week has seemed insanely long. At lunchtime on Monday I was ready to call it quits. Everyday has been full-on with meetings and conference calls and frustrations. We’ve had a bunch of lay-offs at the office so the atmosphere is strange generally.

Today was a weird day. I woke up with a huge headache – almost as though I was hungover but I’d only had one light beer at drinks last night so I knew it wasn’t that. It was bad enough that I was tempted to work from home, until I had a look at my schedule and realised that I had to be in the office – I had a company wide meeting in the morning and then an afternoon jam-packed with meetings I’d called. There was no way I could miss my own meetings. So I grudgingly went into work.

And that was the mood all day. I grudgingly got tea with a colleague who proceeded to bitch about the usual stuff at work, stuff that’s never going to change and honestly, she should either suck it up or move on. I grudgingly attended the company wide meeting where we were bombarded with financials and figures that showed how yes, we did well, but we didn’t make targets. I listened to the usual stuff about employee engagement and actually asked a question in Question Time, but all the time I sat there wishing I hadn’t gone for tea and drunk half a bottle of water before the 90 minute meeting.

All my afternoon meetings went well, but I was in a mood and on the verge of snapping at people. One of my support staff casually told me via email that she is going to be away in August on vacation and while I can begrudge anyone vacation time, I was livid that she hadn’t mentioned it to me when I offered her the project.

I feel like my life is so in transition, that I’m waiting for the next act to start and I’m in limbo. It’s a weird, frustrating feeling. I’m missing my parents, which happened last year as well when they left. I’m surrounded by people going through breakups which is draining. I’m eating crap, not sleeping well and feeling a *little* low and scared I’m going to fall into the hole. I know I’m not because I’m aware of the feelings but it sucks a little.

I know that once this week is over, I’ll force myself to be social, to get out, to sleep in, to relax. And I’ll feel better. I’ll make myself feel better.

Sorry for the rambling downer of a post. I promise next week I’ll be more rainbows and unicorns.