On that whole numbers thing

November 20, 2009 at 6:09 pm (General life, Working out)
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How ironic that I posted about needing to know the numbers and I came home to 2 boxes from Canada, one containing my lovely (or not so lovely) scale! Thursday night saw me able to fulfill that need for numbers and yet I was apprehensive. I was scared. I mean, I knew from how my clothes were fitting about how much I’d probably gained. I knew that it had peaked and was now on the way down but I had no idea where it had peaked and if I was right. So Thursday night I left the box in the living room.

Friday morning came along (as it tends to do after Thursday night, funny that!) and I unpacked both boxes and placed the aforementioned scale in the bathroom. It looked so innocent, sitting there next to the sink, all shiny in its glass and stainless steel-ness. I gingerly stepped onto it and waited.

It did its thing. I held my breathe.

I looked down and sighed. Yep. I was right. I was a grand total of 10lbs up and that’s not even from my lowest. That’s from my last happy weight.

Then I realised I was wearing jeans and I never weigh myself wearing jeans. So I did the obvious thing. I took them off and got back on the scale.

The number was nicer but still not 10 lbs down – strange that! But now I know what I’m working with. While I didn’t know what the number was before, I know that my efforts over the past couple of weeks have helped and I know how to stay on track. I’ve joined a gym (first workout is coming up so I’ll post all about it) and I’m stocking the shelves with healthy food and snacks.

I’m going to aim to only weigh in once a week and not post the numbers per se but the progress itself. I don’t want to be beholden to the numbers. Number do not and never will rule my life.

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A need for numbers

November 17, 2009 at 8:58 pm (General life, New Zealand life, Self-Esteem)
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I don’t have a scale here. I have a scale making it’s way to New Zealand in a box (which could actually be at my apartment already considering that 3 more boxes arrived today and are waiting for us when we get home tomorrow night) but right now, I have no scale.

Now, I’m not one to be paralysed by the number on the scale. I go through stages of needing to know and other times I couldn’t care less. I haven’t weighed myself since I left Toronto, save for one quick jump on my mother’s scale which is notoriously unreliable. I know that for the last while, my eating and exercise regime has been woefully terrible and I know, from the fit of my clothes, that I’ve gained gained gained.

For the last week or so, I’ve been eating healthy, thinking about my food, getting more exercise. Obviously, I’m not back to where I was when I had a gym and a personal trainer (I miss Joe!) but I’m getting back on track. And while I feel better, I have this strange need to know the number. I need to know if my efforts are working even just a little bit to bring the gain down. And this need for the number puzzles me.

It puzzles me because I can feel the difference when I put on my jeans. I’m sitting here working away, wearing jeans, and I don’t feel like I’m going to explode. This is a good thing. I still obviously have the muffin top thing happening – that’s not going to vanish overnight, as much as I wish it to be. But I feel better and surely that should be enough? SO why do I feel this need to know how close I am to my “happy” weight, why can’t I trust my body to let me know how we’re going?

Yesterday I spent the day working in track pants, a t-shirt that is too big on me, running shoes and a sweatshirt. I felt comfortable but invisible. Walking around the city during the day, I was hidden among the suits and power dressing professionals. At first, it felt good to be so invisible but eventually it got me down. I know that I’m better than a pair of old sweats, so why would I present myself to the world in sweats? So, some additional goals moving forward:

  1. Dress up for the day. Can be in jeans but everything else has to be well put together. Present myself well to the world!
  2. Wear makeup more often again. When I was going into the office, I wore it everyday. Let’s get back there again.

This is in addition to my eat-well-exercise-well goal. I’m on a feel-good-about-myself-again road!

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The downside to technology

November 16, 2009 at 12:04 am (General life, New Zealand life, fitness)
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Apparently I ask too many questions. That’s what HE says. Me, I say that he should never have encouraged me to download the mPass application onto my phone. That way, I would never have seen the list of all our upcoming flights on Air New Zealand and I would never have noticed that we strangely had two flights booked in December when I was sure we were doing absolutely no travel in December. And therefore I wouldn’t have started asking questions.

So by him encouraging me to download that app which led to me asking questions, I ruined his surprise of planning a weekend away in December. Whoops. :P

But really, how can this be my fault? I thought so too. He should really blame himself here :P

So I think I’ll still act surprised – well, I will be surprised at some of the plans since I don’t know where we’re staying or what else he has planned. I didn’t ruin it all you see!

Anyway, another Monday, another city. This week we’re in Wellington, the capital city of New Zealand. It’s really a lovely little city from what I’ve seen. We got up this morning at 4am to get to the airport at 5am (note: the airport opens at 5am. Airport security opens at 5:30am) and were on a plane at 6am. That is officially a crazy hour of the day to be awake and functioning. I am not a morning person. In fact, today I’m not a Monday person.

It’s that LOVELY time of the month and I’m officially grumpy, irritated and annoyed. I’ve been sitting in this small hotel room all afternoon working and the silence is deafening. I tried putting on music but it annoyed me. I’m supposed to have a conference call in 45 minutes but my internet connection is not behaving itself (probably due to all the high-rises around) so the call will probably be more a skype text chat until I can get other internet sorted out tonight. The work I’m supposed to discuss was done really badly and I’m sorry, but they caught me now and I was in no mood to be nice about. They may be quaking in their boots after reading my email! I’m also trying to get one of the companies I’m working for nailed down on money and payment schedule and even though I know they’re good for it, I’m still on edge because I don’t really want to get into the hole with doing a bunch of work for them and then discovering that they weren’t onboard with my quote and whatnot. This is one part of freelancing I don’t like.

Food has been good today, with the exception of the handful of jelly sweets I ate earlier in a fit of “I’m bored and annoyed”. They helped for a bit until I read the calorie content for some unknown reason. Now I’m alternatively craving and avoiding the packet sitting quietly behind my computer screen, taunting me. Same with the weird dark chocolate covered strawberries. An odd texture and taste and yet strangely alluring and when one is bored and annoyed, strangely tempting. I’d leave the hotel room except my call is now supposedly in 30 minutes so I shouldn’t go far.

Dinner is going to be some cold chicken cut up into a salad. And maybe a couple of dark chocolate covered strawberries.

Seriously, this hotel room is now so stupidly quiet. I guess this is what happens when the clock hits 5pm.

Okay, plan of action is to change into some track pants and get a mini workout in – some squats, some lunges, some leg raises, some crunches. I downloaded a 10 minute abs workout the other day so I’ll watch that on the ol’ laptop and get some pain going. But only after my call I think.

I will try keep the PMSing to a minimum. Hope everyone else is having a good start to the week!

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A change of mindset

November 12, 2009 at 11:54 pm (General life, New Zealand life)
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Today is a good day. Not workwise – I’m really not being productive, mainly because I’m trying to set up shop in a busy mall on a holiday long weekend, which means I’m surrounded by families with kids who seem to have never been let out in public, so excited and squealing they are. There are also the requisite annoying teenagers congregating and badly dressed women who distract me with the whole “omg do you have no friends or family who love you to tell you that outfit does not look remotely decent?”. Yes, I am a judgemental biatch sometimes (but only in my head because I know what’s good for me).

But food and exercise and mindset-wise, today is shaping up to be a good one. I started the day with cornflakes for breakfast, followed by a mini-workout of 50 jumping jacks, some squats, side and back leg raises, bridges, calf raises, a couple of planks and 2 sets of crunches. It was only short but it actually made me feel pretty good to start the day like that. We had to check out this morning so I got some work done and then packed and we were met by the Boy’s work colleague, who had a full day planned working at 2 stores at the mall, hence me sitting at Borders “working”. No other cardio or workouts possible really, but I’m glad I’m getting into a habit of doing something everyday.

Eating-wise, it hasn’t been too bad either. So, the cornflakes for brekkie (with a cup of green tea), followed by half a egg and salmon bagel as a morning tea snack (with a cup of green tea). I had another 2 cups of tea while I worked until about 1:30pm. Lunch was 6 small pieces of sushi and 500ml of water. Afternoon tea was 2 cups of green tea. I can explain all this tea. You see, working in coffee shops means I have to buy something to sit there. In the mall, I’m sure I could have gotten away with just sitting in Borders for a while but not for too long – it’s been pretty busy everywhere today so I’m sure a non-customer would be booted pretty quickly. Green tea is a healthy choice and can be drunk quite slowly which makes me feel okay for sitting there so long. What, would you prefer I get a vanilla latte every time?

We’re at the airport now, sitting in the Air New Zealand lounge waiting for our flight home. We’ve got about 90 minutes until we board – the Boy likes to get here early and with the free internet and food, I’m not complaining. It’s a lot quieter and nicer to work here than a mall, that’s for sure. My hurdle here? The buffet. Please let me be strong!

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A saboteur in the house

November 11, 2009 at 6:47 pm (General life, New Zealand life, exercise, fitness)
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Yesterday was a good day exercise wise. I went for a nice long (uphill) walk and then came back to the hotel room and did a bunch of body-weight squats, leg raises, lunges and a few short planks. I threw in some bridges for good measure too. I felt strong again. This morning, before we checked out, I did a set of squats, side and back leg raises and a set of reverse crunches. Not a lot but better than nothing.

Food is a bit more of a challenge. When I make the selection, I generally choose well, except for the veggie muffin I just had (but it had tons of veggies, so it’s healthy? Maybe?). When the Boy comes home with dinner and it’s a burger (to share) and two bags of fries, I’m not so strong. I know he’s being super considerate bringing food back to the hotel but I’m not so strong as to ignore the fries and walk away. I try to explain that to him but his response is more “well, I didn’t force you to eat them!” which is true enough and honestly, I should have the strength to walk away because they are not good for me. But when they’re staring at me all salty and delicious, I can’t ignore them. So I eat them. And I feel revolting afterwards when I look in the mirror and see the pudge and the mini muffin top building and I remember that these jeans are supposed to be my fat jeans but they fit a little too snugly now.

I know it’s not his fault and I need to be a little stronger in myself. I know that I need to take responsibility but it’s tough when I’m trying to get us both to eat healthier and I’m trying to lose these 5 10 lbs I’ve gained in the last few months – although since my scale is in a box on its way here, I haven’t weighed myself in a while, so it could be more lbs that I have gained and therefore have to drop. And as much as I’d like to say this is all about being healthy, it’s also a little bit about the fact that when I look in the mirror, I see pudge and no definition like there used to be. I see someone who looks okay but not great. I’m aware of my jeans feeling snug and my tops riding up slightly.

This is not who I want to be and I need to take control. Not half-heartedly but completely. No giving up responsibility but taking it all back.

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On the road again (still?)

November 10, 2009 at 8:17 pm (New Zealand life)
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I’m the middle of our latest batch of work travel at the moment – Monday we were in Christchurch, until Thursday evening we’re in Dunedin and then we fly back to Christchurch before heading back to Auckland for the weekend. Monday we’re off again. While the Boy goes off and does his work thing, I grab my laptop and mobile internet stick and do my own work thing – either in the hotel or in a lovely coffee shop that has a power outlet (surprisingly, power outlets are rare!) or I go off and enjoy the (sometimes) sunshine. While I’d actually prefer to be at home getting into routine, life ‘aint too bad.

But eating and exercising? They suffer. We’re on the road and staying in hotels without cooking facilities which makes meals a challenge. Yesterday lunch the Boy and I shared a burger and some sweet potato fries and I walked to the supermarket in the afternoon to grab some dinner (which we didn’t end up eating), breakfast and snacks. I tried to stay healthy – shredded chicken and salad for dinner, crackers and hummus (the Boy is a hummus addict) and mango strips for snacks, skim milk and mini cereals and yoghurt for breakfasts, since we’re in town for a few days. Of course, I was met with “where’s the meat?” from the Boy when I got back to the hotel, just proving that you can’t please everyone. He’s got an idea that we need a lot of iron and it’s only found in red meat. Fair enough that he’s a carnivore, but staying in hotels means meat tends to be processed cold cuts and I’m not a fan of those too often. The other option is eating out but that’s got other challenges.

Exercise is another problem – I’m trying to get activity in by walking places but there are too many excuses there – it’s cold outside, I don’t have the right clothes, I don’t know my way around etc. I could find a gym since our hotel doesn’t have one, but even when the hotels do have gyms, or “fitness rooms”, they tend to be depressing little rooms with a couple crappy pieces of cardio equipment and maybe a couple of weights. Nothing that really inspires me. I know, I sound pathetic and really need to get off my ever-expanding ass and get active. The other issue I have is that there are a few days where we check out of the hotel in the morning but only fly out in the evening so while I can take up residence in a coffee shop to work, I can’t get exercise in much, since I’m dragging my laptop etc with me.

I’m trying to get some in-room exercise going and I hope by writing this here, I’ll actually do it. Today will be 20 minutes of lunges, squats and crunches. Tomorrow, since we’re checking out of the hotel in the morning and not flying out until the evening, I’ll be at the mercy of whatever coffee shop I’ll be in, so very little exercise chances there and the same on Friday. The weekend will be the next big exercise opportunity, so maybe a walk or two? We’ll see. I know these are only challenges but as I see my body changing I’m not impressed with what I see or how I feel. I have to take ownership and make changes.

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On being and staying healthy

November 7, 2009 at 4:17 pm (General life)

I’ve had my H1N1 flu shot. I am one of those who fall into the high-risk groups – I’m asthmatic with other chronic lung issues to boot, so even if I didn’t usually get the flu shot, I’d be first in line to get this one. And I was – the clinic near my folks’ place started offering shots the Tuesday after I arrived in Melbourne and I was patient #5 or so. My parents have had the shot, even though they’re not technically high-risk – there’s no shortage of shots in Australia at the moment since it’s not peak flu season anymore down under.

But I know there are a lot of people who aren’t planning on getting the shot and I kinda wish they’d wear a label so I know who to avoid for the next little while. When I get a cold, I’m laid low for weeks – the last one I got in Melbourne had me feeling like death warmed over for about 2 or 3 weeks. When I’ve had the flu, I’ve been so sick for weeks and weeks. So there’s no way I’m signing up for getting H1N1 flu thankyouverymuch.

I look after myself. I eat well, I get my fruits and veggies in as much as possible. I wash my hands after going to the bathroom or eating. I exercise. I don’t smoke or drink to excess. I take my medications correctly and I get checked out by the doctor regularly. I wear sunscreen. I get vaccinations.

This is only one part of me looking after myself. What about you – are you high-risk? Are you getting the shot? Not getting the shot? Why? Why not?

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I don’t want to say I told you so, but …

October 29, 2009 at 9:17 pm (Family, General life, Nutrition)
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Fad diets don’t work.

There. I said it.

I’m only 29 years old and yet I’ve known this since I was a little girl skipping down the driveway (and back up again since I wasn’t allowed to leave the house alone). How is it possible that I’m in possession of this AMAZING information that so many people never seem to learn?

I watched my mother then and I watch her now. And while she never seems to learn, I am taught this lesson over and over again.

A few weeks ago, when I flew into Melbourne from Toronto, my mother enthusiastically told me all about this new diet that was going to help her shed all her excess weight. All 6lbs of excess weight. What was this AMAZING eating plan? It was a 7 day extreme detox/weight loss plan devised for obese heart patients who needed to lose weight before surgery. It involved eating vegetable soup all day and then different foods every day for 7 days. No protein until Day 5 when you were allowed 3 pieces of chicken over the whole day. Day 4 involved soup and 6 bananas. Day 3 involved packets of tomatoes. Day 6 involved tons of steak. And always the soup.

As soon as she told me about this GREAT plan, I rolled my eyes. She quickly told me about all her friends who had lost TONS of weight. It helped that they had tons to lose. She wasn’t stupid – she wasn’t going to do this for more than a week … at a time. I got so frustrated – could she not see how ridiculous this was? How nutritionally devoid of anything healthy this was? How does a woman reach her 60s without realising that your body needs nutrients and depriving it is not going to achieve results?

I told her what I thought and then I spent the week biting my tongue as she told me that she’d lost a pound. Then, on the last day, she came home from playing bridge and her face was white. She’d almost fainted and had to eat something OFF DIET while she was there. She was genuinely surprised (it seemed) that this diet had not been good for her body. And the next day, when she weighed in and discovered that she’d lost absolutely nothing in the week, she again seemed really surprised.

I held back on the famous foud words I was dying to say … I.Told.You.So.

I’ve watched her try every single diet out there (even the ones she’s forgotten about): SlimFast, cabbage soup, green soup, detox, WW, Jenny Craig, SureSlim, you name it. Every diet was designed to help her shed those lost pesky 10lbs and every diet was abandoned when it didn’t work overnight.

I know that I have 6lbs to lose to get back to my best weight – my healthiest, happiest weight. I know that those last few pounds will take me time to lose. I’ve done it before and I know what to do but I also know that it’s a tough process, without immediate gratification which makes it so demoralising sometimes. But I know it’s doable.

I just wish my mother would learn that too.

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Life on the road

October 28, 2009 at 9:20 pm (General life, New Zealand life)
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I take it back. All those times I professed to wanting a job that included travel. I take it all back.

I’m on the road with the Boy while he trains staff and works around NZ and I’m setting up shop in hotel rooms, airport lounges and coffee shops. I finally have a mobile internet stick so I can actually do all that (got a good-ish deal through one of the 2 phone companies in the country – balanced price with reliability so paid a little more) but the lack of routine and “home” is getting to me.

Life on the road is tough on eating and exercising. Yes, technically the hotels do have gyms but silly me didn’t pack workout clothes. Tuesday I spent the day working in the morning and then walking around Queenstown, which is absolutely lovely and very hilly. Not exactly a heart-racing day but definitely calories out. There was this hill by our hotel and the only way to the town was downhill, which was fine. Fine until I decided to get back to the hotel that is. It was a great little workout. I did it about 3 or 4 times in the day.

Later in the afternoon, the Boy had finished work and we went for a nice long walk along the water armed with our cameras. It was truly lovely. I’ll upload some photos later today so you can all drool. Again, there were hills involved and my calves got a real workout.

Today the weather is crap, although clearing up a bit. It’s cold and this morning was dreary, windy and rainy. This is hardly exercising weather in my book. But I have to exercise. So I copied the Boy and did some crunches this morning. Later I threw in some jumping jacks and I’m planning on changing into some track pants and doing a few sets of lunges and squats as well. Next time we travel (in a week or so) I’m packing my exercise band for some other exercises.

I’m also trying to eat a little better. We were feeling very bloated and tired the other day and eventually we realised that we’d been carbo-loading without thinking! Every meal seemed to involve bread (sandwiches are the easiest things to eat on the road) so the other night we got Thai takeout and I had a lovely Thai Chilli Beef Salad (which I’m intending to copy and make many many times at home since it was lovely). I’m trying to get us back on track and realising that we should NOT be feeling stuffed at the end of a meal. We should be feeling pleasantly satiated.

My body is so out of whack with when to be eating and feeling hungry. It’s almost as though flying to the Southern Hemisphere made my body forget all my Northern Hemisphere habits and revert to the Old Gemfit. The Old Gemfit was lazy and out of shape. The Old Gemfit believed that she could justify anything and she deserved treats because she was unhappy in other facets of her life. The New Gemfit knows that all this is bull and she doesn’t need that extra piece of fudge that will inevitably taste yummy but make her feel crap later. I need to channel this New Gemfit so that the Old Gemfit doesn’t take over again.

Oh, and I didn’t end up going to the meetup group and I’m kinda glad. The emails that have flowed between group members since then shows that they probably weren’t my type of people (the organiser has quit, another member called anyone who doesn’t write for the express purpose of being published “stupid”). This weekend is the the NZ Engagement party so I’m taking a deep breath and hoping I get through it.

Oh, and I have a whole long post about the move and other stuff brewing. Stay tuned!

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Survival of the fittest

October 21, 2009 at 3:55 pm (General life, New Zealand life)
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Engagement party #1 is done and dusted. The Boy and I flew into Melbourne last week – him with the fun of meeting the rest of the family and friends and me with the cold from hell – and we faced the music. Or rather, I faced up to the fact that I had a cold, not allergies, not a bit of dust in my eye, not a dry throat. A Cold From Hell. A Cold that would see me with the strength of a 90 year old (and not Jack LaLane) and the voice of a prepubescent frog with a smoking problem.

This is a very attractive way to greet people at your own engagement party. Although by Sunday I felt a lot better but sounded like death so my greeting went by “no, I feel a lot better, I only sound like I’m dying!” – which made mothers around the world want to tell me to put on a sweater and get into bed with a cup of tea. Or soup. Depends on the mother really. Mine was convinced it was Swime Flu despite the fact that I’ve been vaccinated against it over 2 weeks ago. Then she was convinced it was My Asthma and a Chest Infection and I should go onto medication. Which I eventually did, after coughing up some lovely green stuff (sorry, was that too much information?) but I refused to let her say I Told You So. So she fell back on the old staple of Why Don’t You Trust Your Mother?

But the engagement party itself went off without a hitch. Despite my mother’s concerns, the room was neither too full nor too empty – in fact, we had people remark that it was nice to be able to move around easily. The food was apparently delicious – I barely got to eat anything as I was chatting away to all the lovely guests. Everyone seemed to mingle well and half an hour after we were supposed to be done, there were still people chatting away – we ended up taking the party back to my parents’ place to avoid extra charges!

Opening all the gifts was fun – we got some lovely things. 3 metal water jugs – all the same style but different sizes – and 3 different sandwich presses among other things. It got funnier and funnier as we were opening everything. Obviously we’ll have a registry for the wedding but it’s not really done for engagement parties here and when my brother got engaged, they had nothing doubling up at all. So I figure we now have a sandwich press and jug for breakfast, lunch and dinner! We left quite a bit at my folks’ place as we couldn’t take everything on the plane, but I did take one jug (the handle broke off in the bag sadly) and one sandwich press. Since we’re on the road for the Boy’s work for the next while, things are still in boxes but I’m looking forward to using everything.

We get back into Auckland on Friday night and I have a meetup group meeting on Saturday morning – a writing group. I need to make an effort to meet people and this is step 1. The only thing is that I’m absolutely shattered this week with cold recovery, travelling and work stuff and we really need to go out and buy a few things (like a dresser for my clothes …) so we’ll see how keen I end up being this weekend for meeting people. Push me people!

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