This week I learnt:

• I have absolutely no self-control when I bake. I made spinach and feta muffins on Friday (eh, a little too dry. Need to try again) and choc-banana muffins on Saturday. I have been eating muffins for three days now and fooling myself that they are small and therefore don’t count. They do. I’m so staying away from the scale.
• I either have terrible allergies or a 48 hr cold. Going on the fact that the Boy is now coughing his lungs up and whimpering on the bed, I’m going with the cold.

As a result, I barely exercised and the last run I did was Week 4, Day 2 last Tuesday. I finally got out of my cocoon and went for a run today and struggled like mad through the last 5 minutes. I had to take a break at 4 minutes and as a result, I’m going to repeat the week. There’s no rush to finish and I’d rather be ready 100%.

I feel like a slug but everyday is a new day. I ran, I will run again this week and I’ll get back on the horse. I’ll go to a new yoga class tomorrow night (the one with the chanting) and I’ll refocus and stop making excuses. New day. New choices. New paths.

We’re worth it.

This is my new mantra and it should be your’s. You can avoid telling people about the makeup-skin care connection. But repeat it often.

The last two days reminded me that if we don’t value ourselves, nobody else will. We are worth the effort and our expertise and knowledge and passion and love is worth so much more than we give ourselves credit for.

Unless it’s just me and then you can go. But I don’t think this is a Gemfit-only phenomenon.

Everyday of this freelancing life is a learning experience but more than anything it’s teaching me that my time, my effort, my expertise, they’re all worth something and I need to value myself FIRST before anyone else will value me. If I undersell and undercut myself by doing work for less than I should just to get the work, I’m selling myself short. I’m telling clients that I’m worth peanuts. And as a result, I feel like less than worthy.

I have some thinking to do this weekend but I need to remember that above everything: I. Am. Worth. It.

And this follows into our lifestyle choices too. Today I had a bad day health-wise. My stomach was NOT happy and I spent the morning running to the bathroom and lying on the couch, working where I could. I napped in the afternoon, I chatted to my neighbour as she came to help me sweep the balcony and I had a meeting with a new potential client. I didn’t go for my run and I snacked on junk food and I was disappointed. I let myself wallow but then I remembered.

I am worth it. I am worth the effort to be fit and healthy. If I don’t believe I’m worth it, nobody else will.

I stopped snacking. I ate fruit instead. I allowed myself the day off to rest and let my body rejuvenate. I promised myself I’ll go for a run tomorrow and I made a healthy dinner. Every choice is a new choice.

I am worth the best choices. Every single time I have a choice, I am worth the best choice.

I wrote a whole post ranting and venting about a client and a situation and my complete and utter frustration. I detailed the whats and whys and I complained and threw my toys out the cot.

Then I deleted it.

I don’t feel better but it’s not worth it. I may not name names and companies and clients may not be social media savvy but they will be one day and I know people have found my blog before and they’ll find it again. So I pressed delete. I’ve had a mini-rant to the Boy and I’ll call my parents to rant and vent some more.

Suffice to say everyday is a learning experience.

In yoga-flavoured news, I bit the bullet and attended my first yoga class at my gym.

Initial thoughts on walking in: Everyone knows each other. I know nobody. I could leave now and nobody would know.

But I didn’t. I grabbed a mat and set up in the back corner, figuring I could watch everyone else a bit too. That was dashed when I realised that everyone was setting up against the walls and the instructor’s mat was in the middle. Which was good in that she could see us all and we could see her.

She was a little late due to traffic so when she got there, we got done to poses immediately. The atmosphere in the class wasn’t friendly or warm. I was very aware of being the newbie and unaware of the poses and order of things. But you know, I got over that pretty quickly. The instructor came by and corrected or supported me once or twice and I could follow her directions fairly well. It didn’t set me off with excitement and I’m still getting used the idea of a class where I don’t walk out feeling drained.

I also realised how tight my hamstrings are. I knew they were tight but they had loosened up from where they were the other week. I realised tonight how much more I have to go. My balance is awful, but I knew that. And I still managed to enjoy it actually.

In some way yoga was what I needed today and in other ways I needed something vigorous and ANGRY because I still feel like I have such FRUSTRATION to get out. But I’m trying to focus on the calm and breath right now.

And there’s another class on Sunday and I think I may just be there. But I’m still looking forward to my run tomorrow to get this frustration out.

Oh, and our outdoor furniture arrives tomorrow!

Ashtanga

I had GRAND plans for today. I was going to ZIP through my work, go for a run and then hit the closest yoga studio for the first of my try-a-new-yoga-studio goals for this week.

I did ZIP through my work. I did go for a run. I even threw in a session of the 200 Squats challenge (which I might do with weights next time). But alas, I did not make it to yoga. I had a conference call scheduled for 6:30pm and the class started at 6:00pm. I tried to change the time but nobody got back to me until 6:15. That didn’t help me. And it REALLY didn’t help that the call was annoying and I yelled and got angry. AND they called on my cell phone which I hate because the reception on international numbers is terrible.

But I digress. Since I didn’t get to a class, I’ll just have to do some yoga at home, which I will after a chat with Mish and once the Boy goes for his walk. I really need to get a yoga mat so I can move myself outside when he’s home.

The yoga studio I was looking at going to (and which I’ll go to next Tuesday) incorporates aspects of all types of yoga in one (except for Bikram or Hot Yoga). As the website says

[The instructor] completed her training in India in the Sivananda Yoga discipline and has been teaching since 2002. Having also studied Ashtanga, Iyengar and Anusara yoga, the classes are a combination of these traditions.

They talk about chanting, which kinda freaks me out a little. But it’s a class and I said I’d try!

To explain what the different types of yoga are, I consulted my Guru, aka Google:

From Ashtanga.com

Ashtanga yoga is a system of yoga transmitted to the modern world by Sri K. Pattabhi Jois (1915-2009). This method of yoga involves synchronizing the breath with a progressive series of postures—a process producing intense internal heat and a profuse, purifying sweat that detoxifies muscles and organs. The result is improved circulation, a light and strong body, and a calm mind.

This is probably the yoga most people are familiar with. It’s usually the kind found in gyms and online.

Iyengar

From The Iyengar Yoga Assocation of New Zealand:

Iyengar yoga emphasises precision and alignment in the postures. Simple props are used to maximise the opening and awareness of the body, providing support to the less flexible, and extra extension to more advanced student.

This is the type of yoga I used to do in Canada (before it fell by the wayside). It’s slow and focused on holding poses rather than flow. You use straps, blocks, bolsters, blankets and other props a lot and it’s more about supporting your body than forcing it into things it can’t do yet. I went to class with a friend and we went one day in a MASSIVE snow storm. We were the only students there and so, even though we were beginners, we got “special” attention from the instructor. I could barely move for a 2 days afterwards and learnt the meaning of Joy Pain.

Anusura

Anusura yoga is where the chanting comes in I think. From www.anusura.com:

Founded by John Friend in 1997, Anusara yoga is a school of hatha yoga which unifies a life-affirming Tantric philosophy of intrinsic goodness with Universal Principles of Alignment…

[...]

Each class has a heart-oriented theme, which has a meaningful connection to the grand spiritual purposes of the asana practice. The theme usually centers on cultivating a virtue-a quality of mind or heart, which is a microcosmic reflection of our Divine nature. Each theme gives a direction for the attitudinal energy that infuses every action and breath in the poses. Effectively, all the poses in Anusara yoga are expressed from the “inside out.”

This is what I think of when I think of yoga equaling hippies. I haven’t had any experience with this type of yoga so it will be interesting.

There are other types of yoga and I’m hoping to explore as many as possible over the course of this month. Even Hot Yoga!

Anyway, I’m off to do a 20 minute session thanks to YogaDownload.com.

This is not me. I'd be on the floor since my balance sucks

Welcome to Yoga Month here @ Staying on Course. Please, take a seat, make yourself comfortable.

So, I guess you’re wondering what Yoga Month is. I’ve dabbled with yoga in the past and let it slip by the wayside after I couldn’t find an instructor I liked and I was spending a lot of time on my weights and cardio. Something had to give and I allowed yoga to be the thing that gave.

But over the past few weeks, I’ve realised more and more that I really need the quietening of the mind and the flexibility that yoga can bring. I’ve already been practicing along with some downloads from Yogamazing and YogaDownload but I want more. So my month of exploring and learning more about yoga, what it can give and how I can incorporate it into my life.

So, my plan for this week:

1. Learn more about different types of yoga and posting about it over the week.
2. Try yoga at two different studios
3. Do at least 3 sessions at home during the week

This is in addition to my C25k runs and I think it’s more than achievable.

What are your goals for Yoga Month if you’re joining me? What would you like to get out of it?

At the beginning of this month, I set myself some goals for the year. No, they weren’t new year’s resolutions because those often get broken in the first 3 days, if not sooner. Mainly because they’re all-encompassing and naive and never take everyday life into account.

But anyway, after a month, here’s where I stand on my goals.

1. Exercise for at least 5 hours a week for one month – FAIL. This was one of those who-are-you-kidding goals. I tried to hit this one out of the park and while I managed it for 2 weeks, the last 2 weeks were a total fail. I’ve realised that I have to be more realistic about my time and motivation. New goal: Exercise for at least 30 minutes everyday. It’s less than the 5 hours and maybe I’ll end up making the 5 hours anyway, but it sounds more achievable to me.
2. Complete The Couch 2 5k. PASS! I’m not complete yet (c’mon, it’s a 9 week program that I started at the beginning of the month) but I’m onto week 4 which is the furthest I’ve ever gotten with this program. Today, I completed Week 4, Day 1 and ran for 5 minutes at a stretch. I had to fight a ton of mental talk but I did it. And I’m oh so proud of myself.
3. Cook one new recipe every month. PASS. I’ve really hit this one out of the park – so far this month I’ve tried 6 new recipes, so technically I’m in the clear until July but I’m forging on because I’m loving cooking. Seriously, I plan all day what I’m going to try that night and the last thing the Boy can complain about is boring meals. I’m loving how much more confidence I’m getting. I love that I tried quinoa the other day and I’m now addicted. I love that I now think of sauteing veggies as a basic meal item instead of a hassle. There are still many recipes out there that daunt me but I’m not afraid.

From tomorrow, I’m adding a new goal. To get more yoga into my life. February is Yoga month for me, in addition to completing 4 more weeks of C25k and the pushups challenge which I’m doing again (another one that I started last year and never completed). Anyone want to join me for Yoga Month?

How are you going with your goals for the year? Still on course?

(quote by Franklin D. Roosevelt)

Ladies and Gentlemen, I have a revelation for you. Get ready for this, because it’s GROUNDBREAKING:

It’s okay to disagree with the experts.

Whoa, do you need to sit down there? Feeling a little lightheaded at the thought of disagreeing with those who possess more knowledge than yourself? But surely they’re right because, well, they’re the EXPERTS, right?

Yes and no. Maybe. Sometimes. Not always.

I know, it’s a shock. But bear with me.

There’s a guest post up at Mizfit today which is by a so-called expert, Dr Paul, who gives us the “Top ten exercise mistakes women make”. 90% of the comments are all “oh, good points, I’m guilty of #X all the time” and “You’re right”. So many people are ignoring the issues here because this is a DOCTOR and doctors are EXPERTS and therefore they’re never wrong. Let me break it down Gemfit style:

1. Too much cardio apparently makes you stay fat. First of all, where’s the research here? Don’t throw “facts” at me and then not back it up. And how much is too much? For who? Generic “facts” with no actual facts? FAIL
2. No weight training or not enough weight training – fair point, but why is this only women?
3. Spot reduction of fat – this is a mistake WOMEN make? How? It’s not possible to spot reduce for ANYONE – male, female, cat or dog. Just not possible. It can’t be a mistake people make because it doesn’t actually happen. FAIL
4. Exercise is not a priority – this should apply to anyone, not women only. Again, why is this a mistake women make?
5. We eat too much and we SHOULD be grazing all the time. Ignore the fact that this again seems to be a mistake women make (what, there are no overweight men?) but let’s look at the language here. He writes as if the ONLY way to eat is to graze on small meals all day. Nothing else works for anyone apparently. There is only ONE way and it’s HIS. FAIL
6. Poor nutritional support. Now apparently we’re not eating ENOUGH. Make up your mind. FAIL
7. We’re all doing the same exercise everyday. Only women. Never men. They’re smart S-M-R-T you know.
8. We’re not doing intense enough cardio. But wait, I thought we were doing TOO MUCH cardio? Make up your mind again there Doc.
9. We’re doing too much too soon – again, only women apparently. Men never burn out.
10. We’re not consulting the EXPERTS because obviously we know nothing. We’re just stupid WOMEN you know.

Now I won’t deny that some of the tips he writes about are not bad tips – balance your exercise with cardio and weights, eat enough to fuel your body, don’t go all-out initially and burn out. But the tone and attitude that these are only mistakes women make? Total fail. And the attitude that these are all facts and the only way to go about things? Again, total fail. It all depends on your goal, your body and YOU. Too much cardio for you could be enough for me since I’m trying to start running. Grazing all day may end up seeing you eat too much because you work better on 3 meals a day. They’re all TIPS not facts. And until someone gives me the facts and studies that back up his points that these are FACTS and mistakes only WOMEN make, I’ll take his TIPS with a grain of salt.

/end rant

(quote by Paul Tillich)

I love my body. No, I’m learning to love my body. And part of this process is learning to listen to my body. It’s a process. I’m learning what works for me and what my body needs versus what I crave because of habit and expectation and boredom.

The last two days have been tough on my lil’ ole’ body. My stomach has not been happy with me and I’m been bloated and uncomfortable and unhappy. And I’ve been lax on listening to my body. Instead of treating it with love and paying attention to what it was trying to tell me, I ate more food. I heard my stomach aching and I ignored the fact that this was not normal and I ate more food. I convinced myself that I was uncomfortable because I was either hungry or because I’d eaten too much. Or I told myself it was all the crunches I’d been doing. Ignoring the fact that this is not how my body usually feels, I self-diagnosed and hoped it would go away.

But after two days of not being comfortable, I realised that I had to listen to the most important thing in my life: my body. For goodness’ sake, it was trying to tell me something important and here I was ignoring it!

I thought carefully about the food I’d been eating. I had bought some garlic chili dried peas two days ago as a treat for the Boy while he’s studying and writing a bunch of exams. I love spicy things so I had been munching on them mindlessly. What else was different? I’d been eating a bit more white rice than normal too. The only reason I’m eating the white rice over brown rice is because the Boy has stores and stores of white rice and I’m loathe to buy MORE rice (even it is brown rice) before we work our way through this rice.

But anyway. Those were two new things in my diet in the last few days. So today, I cut both out. I made myself a healthy Quinoa salad for breakfast (quinoa, portabello mushrooms, tomatoes, carrots and sweet potatoes) and then held off for lunch until 1:30 instead of simply eating at noon because it’s lunchtime.I’m snacking less today (or at least thinking about it) and drinking more water. Being more mindful.

I can’t say I’m feeling perfect but I’m feeling better. I’m not as bloated and my body feels a lot happier. I know that sounds weird but it does.

In the same vein, I gave myself some *me* time last night while the Boy was out at cricket. I slapped on a face mask and treated my face to some rejuvenation. Voila, this is what my *me* time looks like!

There is a cute face under there somewhere ...

It’s not pretty but trust me, my skin is now lovely and smooth. SO worth it!

How do you listen to your body and give yourself some *me* time?

Today has been a good one. Not entirely that productive work-wise, this is true, but otherwise, I think I’ve earned a few gold stars for the chart (if there was a chart. Maybe I should make a chart and buy gold stars …)

I was scheduled to go for my Day 2 C25k run yesterday. I didn’t go. I worked through the day, did some grocery shopping, made dinner and then felt really quite bloated and sore so I didn’t go. And to tell you the truth, I didn’t want to go. My body was sore, I was tired and I just didn’t have the wherewithal to do it. I promised myself I would go today.

Today came around and I was procrastinating. I was going to go this morning but then it was already 11am and I didn’t want to run in the heat of the day. And then I ate lunch and had a snack and it was almost time for my Jumpstarting 2010 class with Mizfit and Dineene, so I couldn’t miss that. Do you hear those excuses? Yep. I was in excuse mode.

So as soon as the call finished, I changed into my workout gear and headed to the gym. So it was hot, fair enough. But not good enough. The gym has treadmills and while it’s true that I’ve been rocking the outside running until now, a treadmill run is better than no run. I walked over, jumped on a treadmill, set the app onto Week 3 Day 2 and off I went. I did find that running on the treadmill was easier except for the boredom from the unchanging landscape. But I did it. I even threw in an extra minute of running for good measure.

I took all my excuses and I threw them out the window. I’m not always going to want to exercise everytime. The weather is not always going to cooperate. I need to give myself permission not to enjoy it all the time and then take that and no longer use it as an excuse. No excuses.

I’ve now gotten further on the Couch to 5k program than I’ve gotten on either of my two previous attempts. This is definitely gold star worthy!

Last night the Boy and I went to our first Ceroc dance class. What is Ceroc, you ask? According to the Cityside Dance studio (where we went last night):

Ceroc has its origins in the Second World War, when American GI’s based in France, introduced Jive to the dance scene. Locals adapted it and described it as “C’est le roc”!  Soon called Ceroc, this funky partner dance quickly became popular, and took off in London in the eighties in a big way, and was trendy with the likes of Princess Diana and her Sloane ranger friends.

It’s a mixture of Jive, Salsa and a bit of everything else really and it’s tons of fun. It’s danced to modern Top 40 music or classic Rock and Roll and it’s fairly simple to learn. At least, if I can manage it, I think everyone can.

The way the class was run was interesting. There were about 20 people there and we set up in a circle, partnered up. The instructors demonstrated a move, we practised it and then the girls moved to partner with the next guy in the circle. There were a mix of experienced dancers and newbies like us and I found it fascinating dancing with so many different people. Each person has a different style and level of confidence and my confidence so often depended on my partner. While I try avoid the idea of having to be validated constantly, this was interesting because, as part of a partner dance where I have to follow the lead of the guy, I needed the leader to be confident in himself in order for me to feel confident in my skills.

There were two dancers there who were obviously quite experienced and great for a newbie partner. They encouraged me, even as I gracelessly spun and tripped slightly. They were confident in their leading – giving me no option but to follow and not have to think too hard about what I should be doing and they boosted my confidence by allowing me to forget that I was the newbie in the partnership. When I moved on from dancing with them, I felt confident and excited.

There was another experienced dancer there who made me hyper aware of my lowly status at times. He barely spoke to me and, after we’d gone through the routine, he would segued into freestyle dancing, with moves I hadn’t learnt yet. I kept up for a bit but I was nervous and unsure.

And then there were two other dancer who, while not entirely new, were not nearly as experienced. They may have been dancing for a few weeks, if that. One of them kept chiding me for not letting him lead but he was so unsure of his leading that, as the partner, I was lost on what he wanted me to do. So I’d automatically step into the next part of the routine, only to be chided again. I felt out of step and unsure, which made me doubt myself for the next partner.

While this may reflect on my own confidence more than anything, I realised that validation is not always a bad thing. When the two really encouraging partners made remarks like “you pick things up really quickly” and ‘you’ve obviously danced before” I puffed up and trusted myself more, because obviously they were seeing something there that I wasn’t allowing myself to see. When the other dancers chided me, I listened as much as I could and took from it what I needed to. To stop thinking so much and trust myself and my partner. I would have liked to have chided back “well, lead already then!” but I’m too nice and I kept quiet.

In the end, I came away holding onto the successes, realising that I’m not entirely rhythmically challenged. I also came away signing up for 6 more sessions. I’m hoping for more dance moves, more confidence and perhaps some more life lessons.

What life lessons have you learnt from the most unexpected things?